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Wikipedia outlines the attitudes of various cultures towards virginity including:

Judaism

In Judaism, sex is not considered to be sinful. Though premarital sex is disapproved, there is no requirement for a female to be a virgin at her marriage, and a child born to an unmarried female is not regarded as illegitimate (mamzer) or subject to any social or religious disabilities.

Sex within marriage is considered a virtue (mitzvah, literally a 'commandment'). Jewish law contains rules related to protecting female virgins and dealing with consensual and non-consensual pre-marital sex. The thrust of Jewish law's guidance on sex is effectively that it should not be rejected, but should be lived as a wholesome part of life.

Frankly, this doesn't sound at all like the attitude toward virginity that I glean from reading the Tanakh. While the description seems to be technically accurate, it also uses weaselly language ("disapproved", "no requirement", "not regarded", etc.) to give the impression that virginity is no big deal.

Does the quoted text reflect the modern, Jewish attitude toward premarital sex? If it doesn't, how should this section be phrased to not mislead a non-Jew such as myself?

An example of a Torah passage that leads me to think virginity is a virtue would be:

[The priest who is exalted above his fellows] may marry only a woman who is a virgin. A widow, or a divorced woman, or one who is degraded by harlotry—such he may not marry. Only a virgin of his own kin may he take to wife—that he may not profane his offspring among his kin, for I the Lord have sanctified him.—Leviticus 21:13-15 (NJPS)

mevaqesh
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Jon Ericson
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  • I'm not sure what you mean by "virtue", especially because I don't see why one of your quotes has the parenthetical of "mitzvah" right after the word virtue while the two are not related. Virginity is a status. – rosends May 04 '12 at 01:12
  • @Dan, I'm guessing that the author of that Wikipedia text meant "virtue" in the sense of "meritorious act" (you're obligated to satisfy your wife). I think Jon is asking if virginity conveys elevated status -- Jon, do I understand you correctly? – Monica Cellio May 04 '12 at 02:54
  • @Monica: Yes, that sounds like what I'm asking. The way Wikipedia puts it (in the article introduction) is that virginity is often "associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth." Do any (or all) of these apply? – Jon Ericson May 04 '12 at 04:47
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    Not a virtue per se. I would be more inclined to say that Judaism treats promiscuity as a vice. Priests have a higher degree of consecration, which may explain the prescription that the Kohen Gadol marry a virgin; not necessarily that it is a /virtue/. – yitznewton May 04 '12 at 11:59
  • Jon, thanks for linking to the Tagged Tanakh, a project I hadn't known about. It looks like they have some of the same goals and issues that we do here. I get the sense, though, that they have some work to do before it gathers the productive community they want it to generate. – Isaac Moses May 04 '12 at 16:49
  • @Isaac: I agree. It's a great source for the text of the NJPS translation, but response to my contribution was distinctly underwhelming. On the BH chat we briefly contemplated some sort of collaboration, but it didn't really go anywhere. (Because we gave up. :-( ) – Jon Ericson May 04 '12 at 17:39
  • possibly relevant footnote http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=20023&st=&pgnum=52 – Double AA Apr 03 '14 at 06:21
  • Haven't read everything, but there is a lot more nuance in this question than Wikipedia describes. Z'nus (promiscuity) is definitely a sin, and certain, regrettably everyday acts can render a woman a zonah forever. Certain traditions hold that a kohen can only marry a virgin; moreover, the question of whether a bas niddah is a mamzeres is a very complex one. – SAH Jul 29 '18 at 16:48

6 Answers6

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The Wikipedia passage you quoted is accurate but could do with some elaboration. Their use of the word "virtue" may have misled you because other religions see sex more negatively. While not encouraging promiscuity, Judaism also doesn't call for asceticism. Procreation is an outcome of sex but not the only motivation.

Within marriage, a certain level of sexual attention is a woman's right (but she can always decline). I wouldn't use the word "virtue" for this any more than I would for the financial support a husband owes his wife. It's just part of the deal; the ketubah specifies that sex is one of the three things he specifically owes her (the others are food and clothing), and this is also noted in Ex. 21:10 (h/t Double AA). For more on sex within marriage see this Judaism 101 page.

Virginity is not a requirement for marriage, but the financial arrangements are slightly different for virgins and non-virgins. A non-virgin receives a smaller ketubah (divorce settlement), though if she was previously married then she presumably was due either another ketubah or an inheritance, so this doesn't strike me as punative. A convert also receives the same lower ketubah, yet we welcome converts. For much more on the financial impact of virginity (or its loss), see legal-religious status of the virgin, which also discusses the financial penalties for having premarital relations with a virgin.

The torah passage you quoted is specifically about the kohein gadol, the high priest. Other kohanim (descendants through the male line of Aharon the high priest) may marry virgins or widows, but not divorced women or converts. The position of kohein gadol carries both restrictions and privileges not present elsewhere, so I wouldn't generalize too much from that.

Monica Cellio
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  • What about male virginity? – Daniel Jun 19 '13 at 19:24
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    @Daniel, y'know, that's a good question, and off hand I don't know of sources that talk about that. Hmm. – Monica Cellio Jun 19 '13 at 19:39
  • What do you mean "(but she can always decline)." – hazoriz Jan 14 '16 at 20:38
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    @hazoriz if on any given night he wants to and she doesn't, she can say no. It's an obligation from him to her, not the other way around. (If she said "never" there would be other problems, but that seems pretty tangential to the question at hand.) – Monica Cellio Jan 14 '16 at 20:46
  • @MonicaCellio I know he is not allowed to rape her, he needs to get her happy but what is the source that she can say no, I answered here (closer to the end) with sources that it is her responsibility, maybe I am wrong please explain – hazoriz Jan 14 '16 at 20:52
  • @hazoriz interesting info there. I can't cite a source; this is what we were told before we got married and what I've heard widely -- of course as a loving couple they should both want to make each other happy, but if there's some reason she doesn't want to on any given night, she doesn't have to. Sometimes you're just too tired out from kids etc or you have a pounding headache or whatever. This is how I understand it, anyway. – Monica Cellio Jan 14 '16 at 20:59
  • @MonicaCellio I think this might be a big misconception, but I remember something about sickness (but not tiredness) being a legal excuse for "no" – hazoriz Jan 14 '16 at 21:05
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    @hazoriz Note the halacha (Rambam and gemoro in I think nedarim but not sure) if she says never and takes an oath to that effect then she is a "rebellious wife" and loses the kesuvah. However the Rambam explicitly says that she can say no on any individual night. Also the gemoro implies that an unmarried person would not engage in sex. Thus, a never married person would be a virgin in any case. Also the current custom for women is that they do not go to the mikvah until just before they marry. Thus all unmarried women nowadays are in a state of nidah and cannot have sexual contact – sabbahillel Jan 14 '16 at 21:43
  • Note that the torah implies that a never married woman is by definition a virgin in the sense of never having engaged in consensual sex. – sabbahillel Jan 14 '16 at 21:45
  • @sabbahillel She can be "rebellious" even without a oath see Halacha 8 and 9 http://m.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/952888/jewish/Ishut-Chapter-Fourteen.htm , but if she takes an oath it is possible she is not rebellious, ie of her husband hears it, it is his fault that he did not cancel the oath – hazoriz Jan 14 '16 at 21:52
  • @sabbahillel please cite the exact passage on "Also the gemoro implies that an unmarried person would not engage in sex." My other question: is the "unmarried person" in this gemoro context referring to a man or a woman? – ninamag Aug 31 '17 at 04:58
  • @sabbahillel please cite the torah passage on "the torah implies that a never married woman is by definition a virgin". – ninamag Aug 31 '17 at 04:59
  • @ninamag, the comments here have gotten somewhat tangential to the current question. Please take it to chat or ask a new question. Thanks. – Monica Cellio Aug 31 '17 at 13:05
  • @MonicaCellio thank you. I actually do not know how to do that. How do I take it to chat. Usually the couple of people who I have chatted with, simply provided me a link to chat with them. – ninamag Aug 31 '17 at 13:36
  • @ninamag you can visit [chat], our main chat room, and ask your question there. (Presumably you'd accept help from anybody and not just sabbahillel, who might or might not visit chat.) – Monica Cellio Aug 31 '17 at 15:06
  • sex is one of the three things he specifically owes her (the others are food and clothing) - So what you're saying is that Judaism tacitly encourages a husband to deny his wife shelter ? –  Sep 11 '20 at 05:16
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The Talmud (Sanhedrin 22b) points out that a woman tends to be more emotionally involved with the man with whom she first had relations. (I think that there are modern studies that say much the same thing.) Furthermore, to a certain degree - this part is true of men as well - a person tends to at least subconsciously compare their current partner with previous ones; and such thoughts during intimacy have a spiritual effect on any children born therefrom (Talmud, Nedarim 20b).

On that basis, Sefer Hachinuch (mitzvah 272 - sourced in the verses you cited) suggests that since the high priest is the highest-level servant of G-d among the Jewish people, G-d wanted to ensure that his relationship with his wife is as emotionally and mentally intimate as possible, and thus also that their children - one of whom will, hopefully, succeed his father in this position - will be conceived from a union in which no one else but the two of them (and G-d) are involved.

Alex
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    ...and therefore, virginity is considered to be a virtue for a woman who is getting married. However, in and of itself, it has no intrinsic value. Correct? – HodofHod May 06 '12 at 04:00
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    This argument would be a lot more convincing if the high priest himself had to be married for the first time (thus, "no one else but the two of them..."). However, we know that the high priest specifically does not have this requirement, and may in fact have taken a second wife before the Day of Atonement rituals, which would presumably be putting him in a more complex place, spiritually, again according to this argument. – Avi May 06 '12 at 05:13
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    @HodofHod: indeed. – Alex May 06 '12 at 14:55
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    @Avi: true, but for the kohen gadol there is the countervailing principle that "it is not good for a man to be alone" and therefore, even if his first wife died or he divorced her, it is important for him to be married. (As for Yom Kippur - only R. Yehudah says that he has to have a second wife in case his first one dies; this is not the halachah - plus, too, from the discussion in the Gemara there (13a-b) it seems that R. Yehudah would have him only perform kiddushin with this second wife, not actually consummate the marriage.) – Alex May 06 '12 at 14:59
  • @HodofHod: That's a really helpful comment. Can the principle be extended to men? What about people who merely hope to get married (even if they don't have any immediate prospects)? – Jon Ericson May 07 '12 at 19:28
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    @Jon In my understanding, the virginity, in and of itself, doesn't have value. But for the reasons stated by Alex above, it is considered valuable to a husband, and therefore he is required to guarantee her a larger sum in the event of death/divorce. However, I am not aware of any cases where virginity itself is considered virtuous and its maintenance spiritually desirable. Of course, there are prohibitions that may prevent a woman/man from losing it prior to marriage, etc. but nothing (again, that I know of) that says it's a spiritually good thing. – HodofHod May 07 '12 at 20:21
  • @Jon So for a man, I am unaware of any positive connotation that virginity may have. For a woman who merely hopes to get married, there may be prohibitions involved with losing it prior to marriage, but its existence is meaningless until she does get married. – HodofHod May 07 '12 at 20:22
  • @ Jon, This is my understanding. Others may yet show how I'm wrong. – HodofHod May 07 '12 at 20:23
  • @HodofHod Virginity of a man --- Talmud - Pesachim 112a-b ---- For a Master said: When a divorced man marries a divorced woman, there are four minds in the bed. Alternatively, [it refers] even to a widow, for not all fingers ^1 are alike).(

    (^1) Euphemism: The wife thinks always of her first husband.

    )

     – hazoriz Jan 14 '16 at 22:12
  • @Alex Regarding the first paragraph in your answer, see this question and its answers. Regarding R' Yehuda's opinion on the Kohen Gadol's substitute wife, see this question and associated comments. – Fred Jan 15 '16 at 08:01
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To the extent that virginity is a sign of proper sexual behavior, it is a virtue. Notice how one of the qualities with which the Torah describes Rebecca is virginity.

Various midrashim and commentaries (e.g. Bereishit Rabbah, Rashi, Rashbam on the verse) take this as a testament to the modesty/chastity of Rebecca, especially in comparison to her neighbors/peers.

Genesis 24:16

וְהַנַּעֲרָ טֹבַת מַרְאֶה מְאֹד בְּתוּלָה וְאִישׁ לֹא יְדָעָהּ וַתֵּרֶד הָעַיְנָה וַתְּמַלֵּא כַדָּהּ וַתָּעַל

And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her; and she went down to the fountain, and filled her pitcher, and came up. (Mechon-Mamre translation)

Alex
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Your question is

Does the quoted text reflect the modern, Jewish attitude toward premarital sex?

but its title is

Does Judaism consider virginity to be a virtue?

and there, I think, lies the confusion. Yes, premarital relations are disallowed. But once they're undergone, they're undergone, and don't constitute a barrier to marriage. (The other answers elaborate on the extent to which they do constitute such a barrier, but you see there that it's minimal.) One must distinguish between being a virgin and performing the act that leads one to not be a virgin: the former is no big deal, whereas the latter is forbidden (outside, of course, of marriage).

msh210
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ANSWER IMPORTED FROM A DUPLICATE QUESTION, DESPITE THAT THERE IS SEVERAL EXCELLENT ANSWERS, MAYBE THAT THIS HELPS

I think that we need to clarify what is "expected to be virgin". A divorced woman, or a widow, or a woman which is not virgin because of a reason x, has no problem to marry. To marry for a non virgin woman is not prohibited. For most men, to marry a non virgin woman is not prohibited.

An exception is the Kohen Gadol (Great priest) who is prohibited to marry a divorced woman (as last kohanim) or a widow (Leviticus 21, 14):

‏ אַלְמָנָ֤ה וּגְרוּשָׁה֙ וַחֲלָלָ֣ה זֹנָ֔ה אֶת־אֵ֖לֶּה לֹ֣א יִקָּ֑ח כִּ֛י אִם־בְּתוּלָ֥ה מֵעַמָּ֖יו יִקַּ֥ח אִשָּֽׁה׃ ‏

A widow, or a divorced woman, or defiled, or a harlot, these shall he not take; but he shall take a virgin of his own people t wife.

No woman is in duty to marry a "virgin man".

Aside from this issue, there are difference in marriage settlement between a virgin and a non virgin woman. The virginity is linked to the hymen (virginal membrane).

The verse says in Exodus 22, 16:

אִם-מָאֵ֧ן יְמָאֵ֛ן אָבִ֖יהָ לְתִתָּ֣הּ ל֑וֹ כֶּ֣סֶף יִשְׁקֹ֔ל כְּמֹ֖הַר הַבְּתוּלֹֽת:‏

If her father refuses absolutely to give her to him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins. Rashi explains that the amount is written in Deuteronomy 22, 29: וְ֠נָתַן הָאִ֨ישׁ הַשֹּׁכֵ֥ב עִמָּ֛הּ לַֽאֲבִ֥י הַֽנַּעֲרָ֖ חֲמִשִּׁ֣ים כָּ֑סֶף...‏

From those verses the Talmud (Ketubot 11a) learns the minimal value of a Ketuba for a virgin. For a non virgin, the minimal value is lower. (this last paragraph is oversimplified, to be accurate a length paragraph would be necessary).

Regarding extramarital (rules are different for men and women, because a woman becomes prohibited to her husband and not the contrary, a man can spouse several women and a woman cannot have several husbands), or non marital sexual relationship, indeed it is prohibited for men and women. But the past is not linked to the ability to marry.

IMPORTED ANSWER FROM A DUPLICATE. MAYBE THAT THIS ANSWER HELPS

A problem is when there is an accusation of lying (I do not explain the cases), when the bride was supposed to be virgin and is accused is accused of lying by the groom. If the bride discovered that the groom who was supposed to be "virgin" is not, this is not a case of taking a legal action. I think that for a man the fact to be "not virgin" is not different from every other sins, because this is not a special, different from other problems for a man, I have no proof from halachic litterature.

kouty
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read somewhere that a woman who was with another man already has part of that man's spirit still within her and this can cause friction between her and her second husband. can't find the exact source but here's something related from the Shnei Luchot Habrit ki teitzei

there is a rectification near this in Yibum. One must first know that every man puts a spirit in his wife.. and his spirit remains in his wife after his death, and especially during the first 12 months as the zohar explains..

there's also a concept in mystical works that during the first biah (relations) a man injects a spirit in his wife and this influences all her subsequent children. (forget where i read this. if anyone has the sources ping me or edit in).

ray
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  • there's also a concept in mystical works that during the first biah (relations) a man injects a spirit in his wife and this influences all her subsequent children. Source? – mevaqesh Jan 02 '17 at 19:33