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Are there any seforim or sources how a man can make his wife happy outside the bedroom and especially inside?

Isaac Moses
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ein odmilvado
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    Try asking her instead of us. – Double AA Jun 05 '18 at 20:24
  • I know there is a gemara in shabbos but is there anything else? – ein odmilvado Jun 05 '18 at 20:30
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    Somewhat related- shelter, clothing, and onah should go a long way https://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/92352/what-are-reasons-of-מצוות-עונה-marital-sex/92360#92360 – יהושע ק Jun 05 '18 at 21:18
  • @einodmilvado You are a Chabadnik, right? Look for this in chosson class, or in the plastic-wrapped book about tashmish – SAH Jun 06 '18 at 00:35
  • @einodmilvado Eruvin 100b. Rambam's writings on marriage. And I've heard about a certain hard-to-find sefer by Yaakov Emden with some really detailed advice – SAH Jun 06 '18 at 04:32
  • @SAH I think this is what you are referring to. $15 on Amazon including translation. – Alex Jun 06 '18 at 04:45
  • @Alex Oh whoa.. – SAH Jun 06 '18 at 06:03
  • Really looking for something to excite the wife inside the bedroom – ein odmilvado Jun 07 '18 at 15:59
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    @einodmilvado I think this post is likely not getting you what you want because it wasn't written to clearly ask for what you want. I appreciate that it's tricky to balance the need for modesty (tzeniut) with the need to be clear about what you're looking for. As this question has already been answered, you might want to try again, along the lines of "Are there any seforim that provide advice for pleasing one's spouse during marital relations?" ... – Isaac Moses Jun 07 '18 at 16:19
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    ... I think that a asking for such advice rather than for recommendations of seforim would probably be excessively immodest for this public forum (See the second main bullet under Notes here), but that asking for the seforim probably would be OK. I'd suggest including in your question post some explanation of why you expect that such seforim may exist in Jewish traditional literature. – Isaac Moses Jun 07 '18 at 16:21
  • @isaac Moses that's exactly what I am asking! – ein odmilvado Jun 07 '18 at 16:42
  • If I recall R' Aryeh Kaplan's book on marriage suggests that Judaism may have at one point had its own kama-sutra-like text that was subsequently lost. (Today you'd get thrown out of yeshiva for daring to say such a thing.) – Shalom Mar 11 '21 at 22:05

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I found that re-reading books on marriage after being married for a few years is always inspiring and a source of new ideas. Three books I would recommend are

  • The marriage covenant by R Elyashiv Knohl (it comes with a separate small booklet on "inside the bedroom") with approbations from R Yaakov Ariel, R Aharon Lichtenstein, R Zalman Nechemia Goldberg
  • Fulfillment in marriage by R Shmuel Eisenblatt (volume 1 is for men, vol. 2 for women) with approbations from R Nissim Karelitz, Chaim Scheinberg and others
  • The garden of peace by R Shalom Arush based on the teachings of R Nachman m' Breslev

All three insist on the importance of frequent and open communication with one's wife as a pillar of happiness (as suggested by DoubleAA in comments).

mbloch
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  • @einodmilvado that is what I understood and why I mention the marriage covenant which comes with a separate booklet on this topic. Now that you mention it I remember I also read this on Kindle a long time ago but don't remember the book. See if the description interests you – mbloch Jun 07 '18 at 15:59
  • Anything from the rishonim or famous achronim – ein odmilvado Jun 07 '18 at 16:01
  • @einodmilvado not that I know of - sorry - but you could ask a chasan teacher. See also resources here on MY: https://judaism.stackexchange.com/q/33895/11501 – mbloch Jun 07 '18 at 16:02
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Pesachim 109a

ת"ר חייב אדם לשמח בניו ובני ביתו ברגל שנא' ושמחת בחגך במה משמחם ביין רבי יהודה אומר אנשים בראוי להם ונשים בראוי להן אנשים בראוי להם ביין ונשים במאי תני רב יוסף בבבל בבגדי צבעונין בארץ ישראל בבגדי פשתן מגוהצין

Our Rabbis taught: A man is in duty bound to make his children and his household rejoice on a Festival, for it is said, And thou shalt rejoice it, thy feast, [thou and thy son, and thy daughter, etc.] Wherewith does he make them rejoice? With wine. R. Judah said: Men with what is suitable for them, and women with, what is suitable for them. ‘Men with what is suitable for them’: with wine. And women with what? R. Joseph recited: in Babylonia, with coloured garments; in Eretz Yisrael, with ironed lined garments. (Soncino translation)

R. Mordechi Yaffe cites this in his introduction to Levush, and says that this is the main joy for women.

שכן דרך נשים עיקר שמחתן היא בבגדי צבעונין כדאמרינן פרק ערבי פסחים נשים במאי משמחן אמר רב יוסף בבבל בבגדי צבעונין בארץ ישראל בבגדי פשתן מגוהצין

Alex
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  • This seems to be restricted to Yom Tov - more specifically the regalim; not even Rosh Hashanna or Yom Kippur or Shabbat, for that matter. What about ways to make her happy on these days as well as the rest of the year? (Thank goodness for dry cleaners! Numerous men don't know how to iron clothes!) – DanF Jun 05 '18 at 22:07
  • @DanF It doesn't say that clothes only make her happy on holidays. It's just that the obligation to make her happy is on holidays. Presumably, though, the same methods can make her happy all year round. – Alex Jun 05 '18 at 22:10
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    And this answer also can be applied in the bedroom with colorful or linen pajamas. – Double AA Jun 05 '18 at 22:16
  • @Alex Not suggesting this has any Torah implications at all, but I am a woman, and I am quite sure that buying clothes would not do it for me. I do like clothes and would appreciate getting some new ones around the holidays, as our tradition has suggested. But is it "the main joy for women?" --Not this one. – SAH Jun 06 '18 at 00:33
  • @SAH This is probably why Double AA suggested asking one's wife instead if sefarim. – Alex Jun 06 '18 at 00:38
  • @SAH I wonder if part of the reasoning that the Gemarah suggests clothes may have something to do with making the husband happy. (Remember, it's the giving as well as the receiving that makes people happy.) – DanF Jun 06 '18 at 13:59
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    @DanF Ah. I guess I wasn't aware that husbands enjoyed buying clothes for their wives that much, but it's an awfully sweet thought... – SAH Jun 07 '18 at 02:15
  • ...Maybe if it's "colorful or linen pajamas" so to speak. Is this what we are getting at? – SAH Jun 07 '18 at 02:16
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Ask her what she likes in the bedroom and what she likes outside of it.

Source: Life

Note: Some people don't always know what will make them happier and what won't.... But you should always start with talking to the person first, especially if you are married to them.

Aaron
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  • I know this was phrased as a joke, but I think this was phrased perfectly for the question. I don’t think this should be deleted at all. – DonielF Jun 08 '18 at 13:42
  • So on other words your saying there is nothing? – ein odmilvado Jun 10 '18 at 14:52
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    @einodmilvado I'm not saying that. But I'm saying that maybe the first person you should ask is your wife. – Aaron Jun 11 '18 at 00:38
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    Is this an answer to "how a man can make his wife happy outside the bedroom and especially inside" or only to part of that? If it's an answer to part, you should indicate as much in the post; if it's an answer to the whole, then you should indicate how, as it's unclear to at least this reader. – msh210 Jun 15 '18 at 12:25