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Can someone please provide a list of all the kibbudim (honors) available at a Jewish wedding - from the beginning to end, in order?

Dov
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Mark A.
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  • Does signing tenaim count? I don't consider that a kibbud. I think of it more as a waste of everyone's time. – Double AA Nov 13 '16 at 16:33
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    Most consider being the groom to be the highest honor. He's really the center of attention. – Double AA Nov 13 '16 at 17:03
  • Some context http://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/66604/must-the-first-and-second-bracha-of-sheva-brachos-be-said-together-by-one-person/67211#comment200103_66604 – Double AA Nov 13 '16 at 17:09
  • http://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/37036/whats-the-order-of-importance-of-honorees-under-a-chuppa – sabbahillel Nov 13 '16 at 17:27
  • http://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/37036/whats-the-order-of-importance-of-honorees-under-a-chuppa?noredirect=1&lq=1 seems like a dup to me. – Avrohom Yitzchok Nov 13 '16 at 17:46
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    @MarkA. At the risk of being overly pedantic, divorcing the question from any issue of halakha, mahashava, history of Jewish practice, etc. Potentially reduces it to a question about Jews; not Judaism. These may be interesting, but are not necessarily on topic. – mevaqesh Nov 13 '16 at 19:35
  • Customs vary to great degree. Some things MUST be done (such as signing the ketubah, sheva brachot, etc.) and there are too many other embellishments that I have seen at weddings that I'm beginning to wonder what people are thinking, sometimes. Flower girls, best "boy", ring carriers, etc. Even the person who wheels 95 year old grandma down the aisle is considered a "kibud". Maybe narrow down the focus in your question, somewhat? – DanF Nov 14 '16 at 16:47

2 Answers2

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Although you can always add more "kibbudim" to a wedding which are not necessarily part of the relatively standard and expected minhagim (thus can produce delays and frustration of wedding attendees - it's part of the chosson/kallah's hachnasas orchim to consider the guests at their first meal together) this list does a great job outlining and detailing the kibbudim.

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NJM
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  • Note you can also always add less than this list, which currently utilizes various leniencies to add extra spots/delays. Some people mistakenly believe More is Better when it comes to this sort of thing. – Double AA Jun 20 '21 at 11:17
  • I like the "in case of late/absent." Also, some chupahs need people holding them up -- a nice honor you can give to friends or relatives who aren't so comfortable with Hebrew. – Shalom Jun 20 '21 at 15:32
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Here's a list based off of personal experience from attending Orhodox weddings. I'm making this a "community wiki" post, so it's easier for others to add to (and, incidentally, so I get no points from votes on it).

  • m'sader kidushin, the (usually) rabbi who runs all the halachically relevant aspects of the wedding and says the kidushin blessing
  • witnesses
    • to kidushin
    • to nisuin (yichud, and in some cases bedekin as well)
    • on the k'suba
    • on the t'naim, if any
  • kohen to bless the couple
  • someone to speak about the couple under the chupa
  • someone to say the sheva b'rachos at the chupa
  • someone to lead birkas hamazon and the sheva b'rachos after the meal
  • someone to read the k'suba (and/or t'naim, if any)
  • someone to walk the person getting married to the chupa, if the parent is unable
  • people to walk to the chupa or stand under/near it

If needed there can be room to split up certain jobs (such as reciting the various sheva b'rachos, the various readings, and even using more than two witnesses at a particular point). You should speak with your rabbi if you seriously need more spots.

Double AA
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msh210
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