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At most burials that I have attended, I have noticed that the mourners, and frequently the rav and other friends ask forgiveness from the dead person for any sins they have caused them. Is it the occasion of the burial itself (i.e., death) that can offer forgiveness? If not, how does this work? How can a dead person forgive someone if he is dead?

DanF
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  • http://www.vosizneias.com/99006/2012/01/16/kiryas-joel-ny-chasidic-history-belz-sends-delegation-to-graveside-of-satmar-rabbis-to-ask-forgiveness/ – rosends Sep 27 '16 at 13:54
  • http://www.imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=18725 scroll down to 1:37PM – rosends Sep 27 '16 at 13:56
  • Again, what makes you think that because someone is dead it automatically follows that they can no longer forgive? Is it that you believe that the soul cannot be aware of the request for forgiveness, or that even though it's aware it should nevertheless not be allowed to forgive for some reason, or something else? What is the reasoning behind your assumption? – Jay Sep 27 '16 at 20:56
  • @Jay Usually forgiveness from someone is done verbally or in writing. How does a dead person accomplish this forgiveness in a way that the penitent would know that he was forgiven? – DanF Sep 27 '16 at 21:52
  • wouldn't the fact that one is supposed to ask the dead person for forgiveness indicate that either we assume it will be granted or that one is no longer accountable even if it's not granted (just as in the case of a living person who refuses to forgive)? – Jay Sep 27 '16 at 22:22
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    @DanF How does the deceased forgive and how the wrongdoer knows the deceased forgave are different questions. – Double AA Sep 28 '16 at 02:46
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    How can a deceased person bless someone? – Lee Jul 24 '17 at 08:19
  • @Lee Talk about timing your question with my father's yahrtzeit having been yesterday! You asked an excellent question. However, I think we say Zichrono Libracha - may his memory be a blessing. This makes much sense, since we recall what the person did and how he behaved. I'm unaware that we directly ask the deceased to bless us. – DanF Jul 24 '17 at 16:18
  • @DanF May his memory be for a blessing! My point in asking the question was specifically that we don't ask the deceased for blessings: we ask the deceased to be a Meliz Yosher to Hashem on our behalf, or we ask for Hashem's blessing in the merit of the deceased. So too here: I propose that we are asking for Hashem's forgiveness. – Lee Jul 24 '17 at 16:59
  • @Lee You have an interesting idea. If you can back it with a source or two, I would love to see it as an answer. (There's very good chocolate babka, here for you. Too bad I can't email it.) – DanF Jul 24 '17 at 17:01

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it's not that the dead person forgives but rather that you do your best and God absolves you. As the Chovot Halevavot writes in the Gate of Repentance ch.9-10

But for the sins towards G-d and man, it will be difficult to repent for several reasons:

  1. He may not be able to find the person he oppressed, or the person died or moved far away...

What strategy should be adopted by one for whom repentance is difficult? We will answer this question as follows

Whatever category it belongs to, if the repentance is difficult due to one of the factors we previously mentioned which cause repentance to be difficult, then if the person takes on himself to fulfill the requirements of repentance with all its conditions to the utmost extent that is in his power and ability to do, then the Creator will make his repentance easier, and will pardon what is hidden from him and not in his ability to do, and will give him a nearer exit for deliverance from his sin and allow him to absolve himself in this way...

If the oppressed died, he should return the money to his heirs. If he hurt him physically or he spoke badly of him, he should confess at his grave with a minyan of ten Jews and he will be forgiven for his sin, as our sages on this matter said: "And if he had died, he should bring ten persons and make them stand by his grave and say: I have sinned against the L-ord, the G-d of Israel, and against this man, whom I have hurt." (Yoma 87a).

ray
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  • @mevaqesh how would you translate that וישים לו מוצא קרוב מחטאו וירחיב אמתלאתו בו – ray Sep 28 '16 at 20:32
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    Whose translation is this? – Double AA Sep 28 '16 at 20:53
  • @ray I don't know. At the minimum, I would use Rav Qafih's Hovot Halevavot which tends to be a little easier, and I would consult an English transliteration, e.g. Feldheim for the English. – mevaqesh Sep 28 '16 at 21:46