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My daughter recently started dating, and a Shidduch (match) was suggested. The boy's family requested a picture prior to deciding if they want to proceed. I felt that this was inappropriate for reasons of Tzeniyus (modesty) amongst other possible reasons, such as Bain Adam Lechavairo (treating others properly), photos not showing actual personality thus potentially leading one to saying no to ones Bashert (destined match), and the fact that if the Shidduch does not work out they still have the photo. Does any contemporary Gadol (major authority) discuss whether this is proper or improper?

Isaac Moses
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Gershon Gold
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    Tznius? Aren't they going to see each other when they go out,maybe ben adam lechaveiro I can hear but tznuis – sam Jul 06 '15 at 13:07
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    @sam, the point of a photo is to focus on the subject's appearance. – Isaac Moses Jul 06 '15 at 13:29
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    http://www.yeshiva.org.il/ask/57516 http://www.din.org.il/2015/06/04/%D7%9C%D7%AA%D7%AA-%D7%AA%D7%9E%D7%95%D7%A0%D7%94-%D7%A9%D7%9C-%D7%91%D7%97%D7%95%D7%A8%D7%94-%D7%9C%D7%9E%D7%A9%D7%A4%D7%97%D7%AA-%D7%94%D7%91%D7%97%D7%95%D7%A8-%D7%9C%D7%A6%D7%95%D7%A8%D7%9A-%D7%A9/ say it is permissible. That being said, I would look for a better prospect in face of such a request (and a few other similar ones that I've heard about). – Yishai Jul 06 '15 at 13:55
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    I've cleared comments that didn't meet the purpose of comments and were getting too chatty (including, את חטאי אני מזכיר היום, my own). Please take future such discussion to [chat]. – msh210 Jul 06 '15 at 17:16
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    @IsaacMoses Focusing on the subject's appearance is not only permitted, but it is recommended. Tznius should not be an issue, as sam indicated. – Double AA Jul 06 '15 at 18:15
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    @DoubleAA, one could argue that distributing a photograph promotes a different kind and amount of focus than consideration of someone's appearance in the context of meeting them in person does. I would encourage Gershon Gold to more fully articulate his tzeniyus and other concerns in the question. – Isaac Moses Jul 06 '15 at 18:18
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    @IsaacMoses It may also be more Tzanua to not have to see the person for the whole hour of the meeting, but just see a picture for 2 minutes and talk on the phone (for example). Certainly if a prospect can be called off after 10 seconds of a picture, that saves everyone time, energy, money, and 59:50 of שיחה בטלה with a woman. – Double AA Jul 06 '15 at 18:23
  • @DoubleAA that is certainly a valid argument. I guess how these pictures are used in practice would have a great deal of bearing on how much help or harm they offer. Again, additional detail from Gershon Gold could make this question more compelling. – Isaac Moses Jul 06 '15 at 18:25
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    @Gershon Maybe you can explain what the Tzenius concern is instead of just saying the word "tzenius"? Or how this is considered treating someone improperly? – Double AA Jul 06 '15 at 19:13
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    I heard a story about a specific Chassidish rebbe (now I can't remember which) that was asked this question. He responded (in good Chassidish pronunciation): "loi yai-usse ze bimkoimaini lusais es hatzira lifnai habechira" – jake Jul 07 '15 at 19:28
  • See also https://judaism.stackexchange.com/q/90210 – msh210 Mar 07 '18 at 18:52
  • If it was "bashert" then how could you say no? – Orion Apr 09 '18 at 05:08

1 Answers1

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Yes, both R. Chaim Kanievsky and R. Dovid Feinstein have expressed opposition towards this practice, because one can't get to know a picture. See here.

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  • So they had none of the OP's concerns and just thought it's an ineffective technique? That is the only possible read of this answer which is on topic, as the concerns of efficacy are off topic here on MY. Please [edit] to clarify. – Double AA Jul 06 '15 at 19:25
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    Rav Moshe Heinemann, Shlita of Baltimore, when consulted by this author on the question, responded, “I do not think that it is within the framework of tznius for a girl to give a picture out where others can possibly see it. This is not with the ruach of Torah.” Rav Shmuel Fuerst, a Dayan in Chicago stated, “This wasn’t the mehalech for doros, and I think it is lacking in tznius. I don’t think it is a proper hanhagah and, besides, a picture can be very deceiving.” – Gershon Gold Jul 06 '15 at 19:29
  • @GershonGold, re: R. Heinemann's comments, related? – Yishai Jul 06 '15 at 19:34
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    @GershonGold Do either of them explain what the Tznius issue is? A prospective suitor should look at his prospective wife. What is the problem? I assume the women will be dressed appropriately in the pictures. – Double AA Jul 06 '15 at 19:36
  • @DoubleAA: They do not explain it in the article. I think it would be an interesting question as to what Tzeniyus is and how is it defined? – Gershon Gold Jul 06 '15 at 19:38
  • @DoubleAA, I know that there is a problem, especially in yeshivos, or of mothers when people send around pictures of the girls. By the mothers, it is a little degrading to the girl to have her picture sent around, and with the bochrim there are many tznius issues of sending around pictures of girls – ArtickokeAndAnchovyPizzaMonica May 16 '22 at 16:58