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It seems that all my local shadchanim require a shiduch "resume". I am really new to this concept, and so are my kids. I looked at some samples, and I don't understand some of the abbreviations, technical terms, etiquette and protocol involved in designing a shidduch resume. Has someone written a book or article that can guide me through this process?

LN6595
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DanF
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    Note YMMV as conventions without a doubt vary among communities. – Double AA Jun 09 '14 at 17:34
  • This book is an interesting read, and the appendices include info about the questionnaires shadchanim sometimes ask you fill out. (Not much on resumes, though.) – Shmuel Jun 09 '14 at 21:08
  • @Shmuel - You need to go on a Yachad weekend, maybe. Or, "illegally" sneak a peek over the wedding mexhitza :-) I can't access the book link, now, but IY"H, I'll view it, later. I'm amazed someone wrote a guide on this. My own "cure" to the "crisis"? Marry an older woman. I did! – DanF Jun 09 '14 at 21:09
  • From Google: http://www.chicagochesedfund.org/stories/2013/11/06/top5/ and http://www.endthemadness.org/etm/view.php?hasHeader=store&id=5185&conf=3&order=&firstpost= | Some sites that IMHO seem to be perfect examples of what not to do, but appear to be serious: http://shidduchim-ed.org/writing-shidduch-resumes/ and https://ca.groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/shidduchimgroup/conversations/topics/219 – Shmuel Jun 09 '14 at 21:18
  • @DanF - Yeah, I'm opting out of the whole resume thing. Based on my experience (as a guy), almost all of the resumes do a very poor job of actually describing the girls, and most are so similar it's hard to differentiate between them. (Not to mention that they don't include photos, which IMHO are absolutely critical, but apparently is a big no-no. Which I don't get at all, since most of the girls I know have Facebook\LinkedIn... You're willing to let strangers see your picture to get a job (or just stam), but not to get a husband?) Whatever. – Shmuel Jun 09 '14 at 21:26
  • Re "abbreviations, technical terms" - Post some examples, and I'll try my best. || FFB = Frum from Birth; BT = Baal\at Teshuva; Mensch, Good Middos = Not a convicted serial killer; Learner = Stays in Kollel; Earner = Has figured out a way to make money without relying on his parents; Learner-Earner = Learns many hours, but still somehow makes money; Comes from a wonderful family = Family doesn't contain a convicted serial killer; And that's without getting into all the incredibly creative ways to describe her physically, which strongly reminds me of real-estate ads. – Shmuel Jun 09 '14 at 21:34
  • This template seems OK: http://www.shidduchim.info/ShidduchProfileForm.doc (but I'd remove the Hashkafic part, or move it to the bottom. Why people think it's more important than basic personality traits is beyond me.) – Shmuel Jun 09 '14 at 21:42
  • More from Google: http://solelyinblackandwhite.blogspot.com/2010/05/resumeology-101-class-1.html (More under "Resumeology" in the sidebar) – Shmuel Jun 09 '14 at 21:49
  • @Shmuel - OK. I get the concept, I think. Thanks for all the references. This is an eye-opener. You should be the shadchan, yourself, then YOU get to ask the questions, and earn at the same time. – DanF Jun 09 '14 at 22:01
  • Oh, here's an interesting one: http://www.aish.com/d/w/Dating-Profile-Tips.html Doesn't conform to the template, seems more like an essay, already a +1 in my book. YMMV. – Shmuel Jun 09 '14 at 22:14
  • @DanF Iy"H you have married off your children by now. But if not, I think you should go to a particular shadchan and ask what they want. Even within communities, every shadchan expects something different. Also, your children may be judged by the style of their resumes, be warned – SAH Mar 13 '18 at 02:21
  • Books are good, but you really need a personal guide. A good guide can recommend books. – N.T. Feb 15 '21 at 10:32

3 Answers3

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One good website:

http://shidduchim101.com/writing-shidduch-resumes/

Writing a resume is not a perfect science; you can modify it to fit your personality, background, and hashkafic approach. In general, if you want to put something on the resume, you may; if you don't want to, you don't need to. It may be very helpful to get a hold of several resumes from friends who are similar to you and creating one off of those. People are generally happy to email their resumes when asked.

I also recommend you ask a friend who has a child (of the opposite gender) in shidduchim to look over the resume. She will probably be able to tell you what the profile means to a boy's/girl's mother.

If you have specific questions, such as definitions of key terms or abbreviations, please post them.

LN6595
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Great question! There's a lot of talk about and demand for the "shidduch resume" and it can be hard to figure the ins and outs.

My wife is an experienced dating coach and took it upon herself to write the most comprehensive article on the subject available online: https://d8gr8.com/shidduch-resume-ultimate-guide/.

Here's an outline of what's covered:

Shidduch Resume Outline, The 5 Critical Elements

  1. Profile Picture
  2. Demographics
  3. Bio
  4. Kind of Person You’d Like to Marry
  5. Shidduch References

While you want to make sure the entire resume is solid, the absolutely key areas to optimize are the picture, the demographics, and your bio. Many, if not most, people that see your resume won’t go beyond those. If these aren’t solid, readers are not likely to read the rest.

Best of success!!

DCYid
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I assume you've written the resume by now :) But just to add that I noticed a great blog about writing a shidduch resume, from Miriam Zeitlin - I found the examples really helpful, she shared a full resume for a boy and girl, with great pointers. May the process go smoothly for all!

Sara Cohen
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  • Hi Miriam. Welcome to MiYodeya and thanks for this first answer. Great to have you learn with us! – mbloch Jan 11 '24 at 13:18
  • Answers here are meant to be useful not just to the individual who posts the question, but to anyone else who is looking for the same kind of information, so thanks for sharing this resource! I know this is the author's choice, not yours, but I think it's strange to refer to someone trying to get themselves married as a "boy" or "girl." Marriage is a life choice to be made by adults! – Isaac Moses Jan 11 '24 at 16:22