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Bereshit 37:34 (translation by machon-mamre):

וַיִּקְרַע יַעֲקֹב שִׂמְלֹתָיו, וַיָּשֶׂם שַׂק בְּמָתְנָיו; וַיִּתְאַבֵּל עַל-בְּנוֹ, יָמִים רַבִּים

And Jacob rent his garments, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days

Rashi says (loose translation by me):

"ימים רבים" - כ"ב שנה משפירש ממנו עד שירד יעקב למצרים [...] כנגד כ"ב שנה שלא קיים יעקב כבוד אב ואם

"many days" - 22 years since he left him until Yaakov emigrated to Egypt [...] against 22 years that he didn't honor his father and mother

Why did Yaakov deserve that punishment? After all, not only were his life in danger, but also he was commanded by both his parents to go abroad!

More details and sources:

1. He ran for his life. As long as he was in the vicinity of Esav, his life were in danger Bereshit 27:41 (trans. machon-mamre):

וַיִּשְׂטֹם עֵשָׂו, אֶת-יַעֲקֹב, עַל-הַבְּרָכָה, אֲשֶׁר בֵּרְכוֹ אָבִיו; וַיֹּאמֶר עֵשָׂו בְּלִבּוֹ, יִקְרְבוּ יְמֵי אֵבֶל אָבִי, וְאַהַרְגָה, אֶת-יַעֲקֹב אָחִי.

And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him. And Esau said in his heart: 'Let the days of mourning for my father be at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob.'

And you can see that even after all of these years, Yaakov still had the fear that Esav is waiting for the revenge (Bereshit 32:8-9)

2. Rivka has commanded him to escape! As in Bereshit 27:43 (trans. machon-mamre):

וְעַתָּה בְנִי, שְׁמַע בְּקֹלִי; וְקוּם בְּרַח-לְךָ אֶל-לָבָן אָחִי, חָרָנָה.

Now therefore, my son, hearken to my voice; and arise, flee thou to Laban my brother to Haran;

This mitzva should have been in effect until Rivka sends Yaakov a message to come back (see Bereshit 27:45), a message never mentioned to be sent.

3. Yitzchak has commanded him to go! See Bereshit 28:1-2 (trans. machon-mamre):

וַיִּקְרָא יִצְחָק אֶל-יַעֲקֹב, וַיְבָרֶךְ אֹתוֹ; וַיְצַוֵּהוּ וַיֹּאמֶר לוֹ, לֹא-תִקַּח אִשָּׁה מִבְּנוֹת כְּנָעַן. ב קוּם לֵךְ פַּדֶּנָה אֲרָם, בֵּיתָה בְתוּאֵל אֲבִי אִמֶּךָ; וְקַח-לְךָ מִשָּׁם אִשָּׁה, מִבְּנוֹת לָבָן אֲחִי אִמֶּךָ.

1 And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him: 'Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan. 2 Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother's father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mother's brother.

Only Yitzchak command was maybe fulfilled after the first 7 years at Laban's service, as he married Leah (Rachel's time of marriage is off-topic). It still doesn't sum up to 22 years...

msh210
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yair
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  • Both of his parents commanded him to flee, but only after the need for him to flee arose -- and ultimately that was his doing, though his mother urged him on in that deceit. (That's only 20 years, though...) – Monica Cellio Dec 09 '12 at 00:50
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    @MonicaCellio since his mother urged him into it and urged him to flee - that'd still be considered honoring her, wouldn't it? – yair Dec 09 '12 at 07:17
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    Not necessarily. If a parent asks us to transgress we don't do it even though that would seem to be kibbud av. The status of Rivka's request seems murky to me. – Monica Cellio Dec 09 '12 at 16:13

1 Answers1

9

  1. The Maharsha to Megilla 16b asks this question and explains that after the 14 years that Yaakov spent in the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever before he came to Charan Esav calmed down and Rivka sent Devorah to call Yaakov back. Since he did not return for 22 years he was punished.

  2. The Ben Yehoyada (Ben Ish Chai) writes (Megila 17a): His sin was that he remained for another six years after he married Rochel and Leah. However this gave room for the Satan to claim that he wrongfully stayed even for the previous fourteen years - for the fact that he willingly stayed another six years proved that even if Lavan would have agreed to give him Rochel and Leah immediately he would have wanted to stay there and it was not just because of his parents command.

  3. Sifsey Chachomim (Sif 4) answers in the name of Rabeynu Bechaya (Parshas Toldos): Although his parents commanded him to go the Charan and get married, they intended for him to marry Leah and return immediately. However, Yaakov wanted to marry the more beatiful Rochel and offered to work seven years for her, and was therefore punished for the time he was away.

  4. The Pardes Yosef quotes the sefer Afar Yaakov that Rivka only gave permission to stay in Charan for "ימים אחדים" which Midrash Rabbah explains to mean seven years. Since he overstayed that, he was punished even for the seven years he had permission for. (Or alternatively, those seven years where counted from the 14 he spent in Yeshiva of Shem and Ever first).

  5. The Be'er Sadeh answers that Yaakov was actually the one who caused Esav to get upset by stealing the brochos. For someone on his caliber this was considered a sin.

  6. The Lubavitcher Rebbe asked (Likkutey Sichos vol 5. pg. 407): Kibud Av Vo'em is not one of the seven mitzvos which Bnei Noach are commanded to keep. Even if we say that the Avos kept the entire Torah even before it was given, they were not commanded to so how could they have been punished for not keeping it? He therefore explains that the 22 years that Yaakov did not merit being honored by Yosef was not a punishment for his lack of honoring his own parents. Rather it was in a manner of cause and effect; his actions, although not against any halochos, caused that he was not to get honored for 22 years.

Michoel
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  • How do we know Lavan would have given away Leah without any work if Yaakov had initially asked for her? – Double AA Dec 09 '12 at 01:56
  • First, thanks for your answer! How do we know they inteneded him to marry Leah? Also, Rashi says that Leah's eyes were soft for her crying of being designated to Esav (I'll bring sources if needed). – yair Dec 09 '12 at 07:14
  • And what about the danger for his life? – yair Dec 09 '12 at 07:14
  • @DoubleAA Looked up Rabbeynu Bechaya inside and he does not add anything more than quoted by the Sifsey Chachomim. – Michoel Dec 10 '12 at 00:10
  • @yair See above – Michoel Dec 10 '12 at 00:12
  • @Michoel Wow! Thanks for all of these answers! That's impressive. I'll comment each answer in a separate comment. – yair Dec 10 '12 at 23:27
  • @Michoel The Maharasha doesn't relate to the fact Yaakov was commanded by Yitzchak to marry a relative from Charan (and that takes some more time, by which it was again dangerous according to the Maharasha). Plus, does the Maharasha base that answer on psukim or any drush or is he compelled by the question? – yair Dec 10 '12 at 23:30
  • @Michoel The Ben Yehoyada doesn't relate to the fact that it was dangerous for Yaakov to return (even the Maharash agrees that during the 22 years it was dangerous again - including the last 6). – yair Dec 10 '12 at 23:32
  • @Michoel I don't understand the Siftey Chachamim's answer. Let's assume that Yaakov wanted to marry the more beautiful Rachel (it isn't written anywhere that this was the reason but shoin), did Yitzchak expect Yaakov to marry the one that's ready most quickly? Naturally, it might take time, as it did. Plus, like the Maharasha, are there any psukim that hint that answer? Plus, the Siftey Chachamim as well doesn't relate to the danger aspect. – yair Dec 10 '12 at 23:32
  • @Michoel The Pardes Yossef only relates to Rivka's command. He doesn't relate either to Yitzchak's command, which doesn't seem to be limited whatsoever, nor does he relate to the danger aspect. – yair Dec 10 '12 at 23:33
  • @Michoel The Be'er Sade's answer I totally don't understand... Rashi and Chazal seem to praise Yaakov for taking away the blessings (Unkelus: במרמה = בחוכמתא = smartly). Plus, why not to say the opposite: it's only someone of his (Yaakov's) caliber to steal blessings. Simple people can not do that for solely pure reasons, whereas Yaakov can. So for him it should be considered a mitzva. – yair Dec 10 '12 at 23:34
  • @Michoel I don't understand the Lubavitcher's answer as well... If it's all about cause and effect, why does Rashi (following Chazal) bother to prove that Yaakov was absent for 22 years and then he bothers again for Yossef? Plus, what is exactly the cause and effect here: how did these exact 22 years of absence eventually caused that Yossef was also absent for the exact same amount of time? – yair Dec 10 '12 at 23:36
  • @yair You have good questions, here are some of my thoughts: 1) Where does the Maharsha say he agrees it was dangerous again for the 22 years? 2) Perhaps if there was no danger Yaakov could have sent a shliach to get him a wife 3) See the Beer Sadeh inside, I shortened it allot, seems like it was the right thing for him to do but at the end of the day he was punished because he caused it and for someone on his level... (still very hard to understand). – Michoel Dec 11 '12 at 01:41
  • @Michoel Thanks. 1+2) Oh, you're right. I misunderstood. But, still, how come Maharasha says Esav calmed down and Rivka has sent Devora to tell him about it, if at the end of the 22 years Yaakov was still afraid? 3) Where is it exactly in Be'er Sadeh? (thank you for many books here I didn't know of). – yair Dec 11 '12 at 08:16
  • @yair I found the Be'er Sadeh in Mikra'os Gedolos - Echad Asar Mefarshey Rashi; I cannot find it online anywhere though. – Michoel Dec 11 '12 at 08:38
  • @yair Regarding Yaakov still being afraid see Likkutey Sichos vol. 5 pg. 391 (my own translation): "Although Devora was sent to notify Yaakov that he could return, and it is therefore understood that Yaakov did not need to be afraid of Esav - however, with regards to danger of life . . it is obvious that we do not rely even on testimony of a mother." (Except that this kinda makes the Maharsha's answer not make sense..) – Michoel Dec 11 '12 at 08:39
  • @Michoel +1 for the bother and the long way you went through with me and all the relevant references you brought (I think I cannot accept the answer though). – yair Dec 12 '12 at 00:30