5

The g'mara on B'rachot 64a quotes R. Avin Halevi as saying that when we depart from a person we should say "go to peace" (like Yitro to Moshe), not "go in peace" (like David to Avshalom), but that when we depart from the dead we say "go in peace" (based on Psalm 84). A note in my Soncino translation says that this departure from the dead refers to leaving the funeral procession.

I've never learned that I'm supposed to say anything to the meit (dead person) at this point. I'm not part of my local chevra kadisha, so I don't know if any non-psalm speech is involved, but I had thought not. (And anyway, that would be earlier than the note suggests.)

Are we supposed to, essentially, verbally say goodbye to the meit at the end of the funeral procession? If not, did we ever? If not, what is this g'mara referring to?

msh210
  • 73,729
  • 12
  • 120
  • 359
Monica Cellio
  • 56,645
  • 10
  • 113
  • 348

1 Answers1

8

The Rambam (Hil. Avel, 4:4) presents this custom as halacha, and he is followed by many other rishonim including the Rokeach (Hil. Aveilus, 313), Sefer HaAgudah (B'rachos, Chapter 9), Kol Bo (§ 114), and the Ramban (Toras HaAdam, Sha'ar HaSof, Inyan HaHotza'ah).

This custom is also presented by such later authorities as the Beit Yosef (YD 376) and, more recently, the Mishnah Berurah (110:17).

Double AA
  • 98,894
  • 6
  • 250
  • 713
Fred
  • 16,984
  • 1
  • 45
  • 85
  • 2
    Thanks I couldn't seem to find him on Wikipedia. I added them here because they are more unusual sources to quotes so this way people can more easily put them in historical context (rishon/achron ashkenaz/sefardi etc.). – Double AA Oct 04 '12 at 18:39
  • Fred, I don't see the relevance of your second paragraph to the question, which makes me wonder whether "this" in your first paragraph actually refers to what was asked in the question. – msh210 Oct 04 '12 at 20:00
  • @msh210 The second para addressed a more general question suggested by the title "Are we supposed to talk to the dead"? Yes, the first paragraph does in fact refer to the specific custom asked about in the question. Sorry about the confusion. – Fred Oct 05 '12 at 01:24
  • Fred, I've now fixed the title, making it more accurately reflect the question. – msh210 Oct 05 '12 at 01:38
  • 1
    Fred, yes IMO, especially if my edit to the question doesn't get reverted, but, really, even if it does, since the question is the body and the title is just a title. – msh210 Oct 05 '12 at 02:08
  • 1
    Sorry for the confusion my header caused. Thanks for the edits. – Monica Cellio Oct 05 '12 at 02:54
  • Fred, all these sources do quote the Gemara, but they do so basically word for word. Is there an indication anywhere that Niftar min haMet actually means talking to the deceased or perhaps it means to the mourners, or the pallbearers, or something else. – Double AA Oct 07 '12 at 03:27
  • @MonicaCellio - No problem at all; I just added in some better known sources, ranging from the Rambam to the Chafetz Chaim. – Fred Oct 07 '12 at 03:27
  • @DoubleAA Not all of these sources do so. E.g. the Kol Bo: ‎ואחרי הקבורה המלוין את המת אומרים לו לך בשלום ונופלין על קברו ונושקין הקבר ועפרו דרך כבוד המת דוגמת מה שאמרו בגמרא מאן יהיב לן מעפריה דרב ושמואל ונמלינהו לעיינין, וכך אמרו עפריה דרב הוו יהבי לאשתא בת יומא – Fred Oct 07 '12 at 03:28
  • @DoubleAA - Also the Rambam: ‎והמלוין אותו אומרין לו לך בשלום שנאמר ואתה תבוא אל אבותיך בשלום – Fred Oct 07 '12 at 03:30
  • @Fred Fair enough. That's what I get for only reading some of the sources inside :) – Double AA Oct 07 '12 at 03:32