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There is no Torah obligation (as far as I am aware) for kibbud for a wife; however, in my experience, husbands tend to show a special honor for their wives. An example where this is frequenetly manifest is on Shabbos when the husband will often give a piece of challah to his wife before giving to any of the guests at the table.

My question is: if the husband's parents are at his Shabbos table, is he required by kibbud av v'eym to give them challah first? I am also asking the more general question: does kibbud av v'eim always trump kibbud for a wife?

Daniel
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    Related: http://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/17809/honor-thy-children – b a Aug 06 '12 at 18:12
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    Since the wife is (almost) always there with him for Shabbat, and the parents are guests, I'd say he has to give to the wife first because of tadir v'sh'aino tadir, tadir kodem. (tongue-in-cheek) – Ze'ev misses Monica Sep 07 '12 at 17:51

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Regarding honouring one's wife the Gemoro Yevamot 62b says "A man should love his wife as himself and honour her more than himself." ת"ר האוהב את אשתו כגופו והמכבדה יותר מגופו ..... עליו הכתוב אומר וידעת כי שלום אהלך

But there is a comparison between honouring parents and honouring G-d in Kiddushin 30b השוה הכתוב מוראת אב ואם למוראת המקום

So I think kibbud av v'eim normally trumps kibbud for a wife.

Avrohom Yitzchok
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  • So what about the specific practical example I gave in my question with the challah on Shabbat? – Daniel Aug 06 '12 at 18:21
  • @Daniel See the end of my answer here http://judaism.stackexchange.com/a/11228/759 – Double AA Aug 06 '12 at 22:39
  • @AvrohomYitzchok Your comparison is not perfect because you compare mora to kavod, and also it doesn't say how much more than yourself to honor your wife. So if you could source the last statement that would be nice. +1 for the first source though. – Double AA Aug 06 '12 at 22:41
  • @DoubleAA So with regard to your linked answer, does that mean that the custom of giving the challah to the wife doesn't have anything to do with kibbud? This seems kind of different from the situation in the other question because everybody definitely needs to eat some of the challah for it to be a meal. – Daniel Aug 06 '12 at 23:48
  • @AvrohomYitzchok, you seem to be an aggadic statement (Y'vamos) and a very general halachic principle (Kidushin) to comment on a very specific halachic issue: this sounds like something great talmide chachamim can do (and maybe you are one) but I cannot. Is it your own chidush? – msh210 Aug 07 '12 at 02:52
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    @msh210 It's my own .. thought. – Avrohom Yitzchok Aug 07 '12 at 13:11
  • @Daniel I'm speculating by extending it to the case of bread. And note that everyone needs to eat some bread eventually but IIRC there are some machlokot about whether they have to eat from the lechem mishneh bread which was blessed, or if they can just go eat other bread and rely on the blesser's having lechem mishneh. So there still might be an extra advantage in eating the bread used for the mitvza. Again, all speculation on my part. – Double AA Aug 08 '12 at 03:35
  • Ah, pardon me: what I called the aggadic statement from Y'vamos is halachic: Rambam cites it (Ishus 15:19), as do later halachic authorities. – msh210 Aug 22 '12 at 18:43
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A man has to honour his parents 1st but a woman has to honor her husband, that is why the gemoro says that her kiibud ov vo'em is not the same as his because she is meshubad to her husband before her parents

However the husband has a contractual obligation to honor his wife because he signed in the kesubah "ano eflach v'okir yoseychi"

andrew tribe
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  • Andrew welcome again. Since MY is different from other sites you might be used to, see here for a guide which might help understand the site. See in particular the focus on writing in English so even those less familiar with Hebrew can benefit from the site – mbloch Jul 02 '21 at 05:30
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Nope.

Torah says "that a man shall abandon his parents and stick to his wife."

Maharik says that if a man falls in love with a lady despite his father's protests, he can ignore his father -- a strong marriage is a religious value, so his father is telling him to do something against the Torah!

Listen to Rabbi Willig's mp3 series on Kibud Av V'em for more.

Shalom
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