Marriage isn't technically a commandment in itself. The Kiddushin prior to the ceremony may be but that is arguably a separate process.
Procreation is a commandment - (Peru Urvu) - but procreation cannot occur without a marriage. Technically, you're not required to marry but if you're suppose to have a family then it comes with the package.
You're discussing more the issues of finding the best partner to spend your life with vs the fantasy in your head.
We all deal with this. The issue relates partially to modern society and the constant need to "upgrade" or "hold out" for the better option.
You're never going to find the "perfect" match because that isn't how marriage works.
Chabad has an article which discusses this:
Too many people remain single simply because they are waiting to meet
Mr. or Ms. Perfect. While certain qualities must remain non-negotiable
– such as the ones mentioned above – one should be willing to
compromise concerning other non-essential preferences. Some examples
of "negotiable" qualities are: appearances, career choices, political
views, and nationality.
In simple words, one should not rule out dating certain people simply
because they have a certain physical build, hair or eye color, or
profession. Oftentimes people are surprised to find that they can be
intensely attracted to, and deeply love, someone who doesn't exactly
fit their original vision of a perfect spouse.
When looking to purchase a home, the most important factor to be taken
in consideration is its structural soundness. After ascertaining that
the house will not collapse as a result of a shaky foundation or
shoddy construction, then the décor and layout are considered. And
unless building from scratch – an option which is not yet available
with regards to a spouse – no one ever finds a home which exactly
matches their stylistic wish list.
No one is perfect. A person who meets all the major criteria and most
of your minor preferences is someone you should seriously consider.
Instead of circumventing marriage and circumventing relationships, I think you need to take some time to really try and nail down what it is you want and need in a relationship. You seem conflicted and it seems that some part of the problem is a need to hold out for the fantasy in your mind while ignoring real and genuine people in front of you.
You can't do that. It's not a functional way to go about this and you'll end up old and alone while waiting for the person in your head to materialize.
You're not alone in this but you may end up alone if you stick to this.
