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I have been told from several different people that it is possible for one person to have multiple Besherts (divinely intended marriage partners, soulmates if you will) to choose from. He may only choose one at the end, but there are several possible options. A quick search online will bring you claims like, "it says that every person has 7 zivuggim", but no source to back it up.

This is usually told to people who have never been married, (which seems to indicate they are referring to the first marriage, and not to subsequent marriages).

Is this true? Is there a source for this statement? And if so, is it universally applicable, as everyone who quotes it seems to think, or is it limited (perhaps to a second marriage)?

Menachem
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    I once heard that the GR"A tz"l once remarked that if there were two things he could change about halacha, one of them would be re-allowing a man to have multiple wives. Food for thought. – Naftuli Kay Dec 04 '11 at 19:50
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    @TKKocheran Ironic, because there were many things the Gra actually did change about halacha. – Double AA Aug 02 '12 at 04:55
  • @DoubleAA The things he changed were because others thought they were halachah, and he thought they weren't; not having multiple wives is not because anyone thought it was halachah, but because it was a takanah. Those are just my thoughts on this. See also the story of R' Chaim Volozhin here that also makes a similar distinction (which, incidentally, involves the Gra). – b a Aug 02 '12 at 05:29

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Who was Avraham's Beshert? Sara.

Yitzchak? Rivka.

Yaakov- according to Kaballa (Nefesh HaHaim 1:21) he had to marry the two sisters to make a Tikun.

From here we have a pretty sufficient proof that Yaakob had a Bashert to these two people.

Hacham Gabriel
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  • but in the context of the quote I'm trying to find a source for, the intention is that a person has multiple possibilities when it comes to his soulmate. You're bringing a proof that Yaakov had to marry all of them, not just one of them. – Menachem Dec 09 '11 at 03:35
  • What I'm saying is that he had more than one soulmate, at least according to the Nefesh HaHaim 1:21. – Hacham Gabriel Dec 09 '11 at 03:42
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    I edited the question to hopefully clarify what I'm looking form – Menachem Dec 09 '11 at 16:13
  • I am missing something? Did I misunderstand you? What exactly are you looking for? – Hacham Gabriel Dec 09 '11 at 16:23
  • With regards to the idea that everyone has a preordained soulmate, I've heard it said that that there are actually multiple options that one may choose from. So he may only get married to one, but if not that one there could have been another one. I'm asking is there a source for such a thing. I don't feel yaakov is a proof, since he had to marry both, not just that he could have technically married either one because they were both preordained. – Menachem Dec 09 '11 at 16:41
  • @Menachem You’re assuming that a man can only marry one wife, though. Back then a man could marry multiple women - so perhaps he would have “had” to marry all of his basherts. – DonielF Apr 11 '18 at 18:48
  • @DonielF: I'm not assuming that as much as ignoring that time period all together. I'm asking about now, when we only marry one woman. But the same question would apply when multiple wives are allowed. Does he have more Besherts than what he ends up marrying? – Menachem Apr 11 '18 at 21:11
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A person's "bashert" refers to a spouse that was preordained, as the Talmud states (Sotah 2a) that 40 days before a person is conceived his future match is announced. However, the Talmud (Moed Katan) states that it is possible for another person to acquire that spouse through prayer. Commentators struggle with this question and many conclude that a "bashert" is not an iron-clad foretelling of a future marriage.

See also there in Sota where that Talmud states that a person's spouse is matched according to his deeds. Although the Talmud appears to say that this refers only to a person's second marriage, and this is Rashi's explanation, others explain that it refers to the first marriage as well (see Maharasha, Be'er Sheva, Chatam Sofer 7 34, Yad haMelech Teshuva 5). This implies that a number of possible matches are available and a person is led to the one that best fits his spiritual level.

Barry
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  • So was the name of all the possibilities called out? Also, see my answer here, where I bring a list of a wide range of opinions about this: http://judaism.stackexchange.com/a/8125/603 – Menachem Dec 09 '11 at 17:23
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Here is a comment posted by Rabbi Yossi Jacobson, in response to a question on one of his essays:

The way I understand it is this:

In most cases, when we follow the proper guidelines in life, we marry our “bashert.” But not always.

Sometimes people get divorced because it is not the “bashert;” yet it is a necessary step in their journey in order to find their bashert in the Future. But sometimes couples get divorced even if it is the bashert, because they did not have will to work out the issues.

A person has more than one basehrt, because the soul of a person is not made of one color; it contains many different dimensions, levels, and gradations, and different levels of our soul may have different basherts. In life, we fluctuate, we grow, we fall, and at different points in our life we may be in touch with different parts of our soul. (The Kabbalah teaches, for example, that Jacob had two basherts, Rachel and Leah, corresponding to his two names, Jacob and Israel.)

He does not bring sources.

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Menachem
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