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I have been making a special candle, meant to be burned partially each birthday, for someone who is Jewish (reform/non-practicing).

It is likely that they are going to pass away before receiving this gift.

About a month or less after I suspect they may pass, for a few days, there will be a gathering of people close to this person (pre-planned event).

I thought it might be nice to burn the candle all the way down during this gathering as a sort of memorial / send-off / celebration-of-years-alive.

It's not meant to serve as a yahrtzeit candle -- more of, "Well, that seems like a nice thing to do with a candle pertaining to the passing of time in someone's life."

Is there any reason that this would be inappropriate to do around reform Jews who will be among those gathered?

Would it directly contradict any rules about death and mourning that I might not be aware of? (I won't bother to suggest it at the gathering if so.)

k..
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  • Welcome to Mi Yodeya k! This sounds very thoughtful of you. I don't think it would violate any Jewish standards, and strongly suspect that Refrom Jews would have no problem with it. – mevaqesh Nov 30 '17 at 22:33
  • As @mevaqesh said, I don't think Reform Jews would find anything wrong with it. – ezra Nov 30 '17 at 22:53
  • I'm not completely following this. You're inviting someone to his birthday party - this is someone you think will die soon after his birthday. So, you want to burn down a large candle for him? Am I getting this correct? – DanF Dec 01 '17 at 16:37
  • @DanF - no, I was thinking he might die before getting to burn the candle for any birthdays. I'd made the candle with many more years on it than he'd need, and had always planned to burn it down to the bottom whenever he no longer needed it for his own birthday celebrations. My question was just whether I should do it in private or share it with others. Thanks, everyone, for your answers! – k.. Dec 02 '17 at 01:23
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    This is a rather unusual idea, I must admit. So, if I get the idea, the glass has some type of marker each signifying a "year" of time, and on each birthday, you burn the candle down to the next marker? I can't envision anything wrong with that. But, this is not a typical Jewish practice. Not that I see any problem with this, other than, of course, asking the birthday guy what he thinks. I.e., it doesn't seem to have anything at all to do with Judaism. That prob. explains the votes to close. – DanF Dec 03 '17 at 01:15

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