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Rav Preida shows us good middot in Megillah 28a. He states:

לא ברכתי לפני כהן

I have not led a Zimun before a Kohein.

Now, we know that all of Bnei Yisrael are considered Kohanim (Shmot 19:6):

ואתם תהיו־לי ממלכת כהנים וגוי קדוש

And you shall be for me a kingdom of Kohanim and a holy nation.

Thus, Rav Preida is telling us to avoid leading the zimun.

For those of us without a convenient family minhag, what is the best excuse to not lead the zimun?

This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.

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  • What does family minhag have to do with anything (if everyone should avoid leading)? – msh210 Mar 16 '16 at 01:06
  • See the video for the joke. These traits, BTW, are not a chiyuv; just a recommendation for those who want to be machmir. Another possible addition to http://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/15000/can-i-have-a-chumra-please –  Mar 16 '16 at 01:40

2 Answers2

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I usually just tell people I'm not Jewish.

rosends
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Mishnah Brachot, Perek 8, deals with the issue of a zimun. Mishnah 2:

עד כמה מזמנין, עד כזית; רבי יהודה אומר, עד כביצה

Until how many (people) can we do a zimun? Until a kezayit (of total human flesh); Rabbi Yehudah says, until a kebeitzah.

And the Tosefta:

רבי שיילוק אומר, עד פאונד אחד

Rabbi Shylock says, until one pound.

This too-large-for-zimun excuse, if we follow the Tanna Kamma, does not work for everyone. This is because, as we learn in Hilchot Pesach, one kezayit equals approximately 5,888 olives' worth. Thus, only tall/heavy people (like Mashiach) can get away with this one.

However, skinny people can be someich on the opinion of the Shach (known in England as Shakespeare), who rules like Rabbi Shylock.

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  • The Talmud Bubbly, Masechet Baba Mayseh, describes the exact size of a kezayit as 5,888.8 olives' worth. –  Mar 14 '16 at 19:01
  • There is an obscure "Bubba" masechta that is dedicated to vegetarian cooks called Baba Ganush. – DanF Mar 14 '16 at 21:08