6

You are set up a shidduch and you go out for a few dates. It doesn't work out. What do you do?

Is there a difference if you go on a few dates or if you go on many? Should you provide a reason or should you give a generic response (e.g. "there is no chemistry")?

What role does the shadchan play in the break up process?

Ani Yodea
  • 13,125
  • 2
  • 28
  • 82
  • 4
    The answer probably depends a lot on the community. – Ypnypn Sep 06 '15 at 14:59
  • 1
    The answer could address what's done in different communities. – Ani Yodea Sep 06 '15 at 15:13
  • 1
    Why is this a Jewish question per-se? – andrewmh20 Sep 06 '15 at 15:53
  • 1
    @andrewmh20 there might be shidduch-specific conventions on top of the "just plain interpersonal" conventions. If somebody arranged it, maybe that person is involved in this. I don't know, but I don't think it an unreasonable question. If the answer is "nothing special; just do what you'd do were there no shidduch", that can be brought in an answer. – Monica Cellio Sep 06 '15 at 17:39
  • I agree that this should be closed, however, before closing it, many other questions ought to be closed. see: http://judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/31202/what-is-the-best-way-to-keep-bugs-out-of-the-sukkah?lq=1#comment80139_31202 and http://meta.judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/3737/general-knowledge-relating-to-judaism-how-related – mevaqesh Sep 06 '15 at 19:52
  • 1
    Isn't dealing with Shadchanim/shidduchim somewhere in the halachic/mussar texts? – Ani Yodea Sep 06 '15 at 19:54
  • As noted this is simply an example of interpersonal relationships. Whatever factors are generally used to determine the most sensitive way of interacting with others can be utilized here as well. – mevaqesh Sep 06 '15 at 19:54
  • I was introduced to a few "orthodox" women through shadchanim when I was single and none of them were appropriate. Had nothing in common with any of them aside from our Jewishness. I simply told the shadchan that and didn't see the person again. – CashCow Sep 07 '15 at 12:09
  • @mevaqesh, there's the issue of ben adam lehaveiro and also acting modestly. – Ani Yodea Sep 09 '15 at 20:41

1 Answers1

1

call the shadchan and let him/her you know you are not interested in th person you were introduced to and why. The only reason it is important to say why is so then the shadchan has a better understanding of who to set you up with next. A big part of the reason it's helpful to have a shadchan is for this very reason. It makes it significantly easier for both to part ways without emotional involvement. One doesn't get emotionally involved with someone they are just checking out to see if they could marry them. That is only relevant to one's wife.

Dude
  • 4,362
  • 1
  • 14
  • 42