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The Mishna in Pirkei Avot says "Al Tarbeh Sicha Im Haisha", do not converse excessively with a woman.

Does this apply to text messages as well?

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    Interesting question. It appears the concern is one of creating an environment of inappropriate behaviors. If so, then how would texting be different than email, phone, letters, etc. which would all seem to fall under this rubric? – Isaac Kotlicky Jun 24 '15 at 12:42
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    Maybe more distance and thus a less chashah of arayos? – Shoel U'Meishiv Jun 24 '15 at 12:44
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    I believe the Mishnah says it is also because of bitul zman so that would be true here too – Moshe Goldberg Jun 24 '15 at 12:46
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    @Mefaresh "Be'ishto amru" arayos isn't the concern here. Ergo, distance isn't a factor. (A=>B, -B=>-A) – Isaac Kotlicky Jun 24 '15 at 12:53
  • True good point. – Shoel U'Meishiv Jun 24 '15 at 12:54
  • @Isaac but it is a practical benefit. See in context Nedarim 20a ואל תרבה שיחה עם האשה שסופך לבא לידי ניאוף. – user6591 Jun 25 '15 at 17:55
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    @user6591 "Sof" doesn't mean immediately, it means eventually - the emotional intimacy created between the two parties will *at some point* lead to inappropriate action. See: Ben Sorrer - "niddun al shem sofo." If it said "shemeivi liday ni'uf," then it would imply a direct and immediate causation between sicha and ni'uf. – Isaac Kotlicky Jun 25 '15 at 18:01
  • @Isaac I didn't imply otherwise. I don't think Mefaresh meant it was an emediate result of a single word spoken either. – user6591 Jun 25 '15 at 18:04
  • Related: https://judaism.stackexchange.com/q/76392/ – DonielF Jun 30 '19 at 15:21

2 Answers2

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Avos DeRabbi Nasan (7:3) defines the problem as bringing home gossip to your wife, how you were treated negatively, how you treated others in response, etc.

According to that, the medium of communication - speaking, writing, in person or at a distance - seems irrelevant.

Yishai
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  • Nice answer - you beat me to it ;-) I love reading A.R.N. – DanF Jun 24 '15 at 15:20
  • A.D.N. also says ואל תרבה שיחה עם האישה ואפילו היא אשתו. ואין צריך לומר באשת חברו. שכל זמן שאדם מרבה שיחה עם האישה גורם רעה לעצמו, ובוטל מדברי תורה, וסופו יורש גיהנם: – Gershon Gold Jun 24 '15 at 16:29
  • But the underlying question is if we consider texting the same as Shmoozing. I don't think it is the same. Don't we lament how people lost their social life to social sites? – HaLeiVi Jun 24 '15 at 18:08
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    @HaLeiVi, I think that all depends on context. I'm sure Rechilus and Loshon Hara apply to texting. – Yishai Jun 24 '15 at 18:11
  • @GershonGold, isn't that just rephrasing the Mishna? I'm not sure what your point is? – Yishai Jun 24 '15 at 19:31
  • Lashon Hara and Rechilos is about conveying information. Schmoozing is something else. Texting may or may not be included, but it is definitely not equal. The Gemara says that we are to refrain from an extra word, which is hard to imagine applying to texting. – HaLeiVi Jun 24 '15 at 22:55
  • @HaLeiVi, The case of Avos DeRabbi Nasan is also about the effects of conveying the information. – Yishai Jun 24 '15 at 23:01
  • Not with anyone. Obviously it is based on a certain type of conversation, which might or might not happen with text. And I'm inclined to think it doesn't. – HaLeiVi Jun 24 '15 at 23:27
  • @yishai please help me understand " כיון ששמע חברו אמר, אוי לי, דברים שבינו לביני הלך ושחן לאשתו." – hazoriz Jun 25 '15 at 14:10
  • @hazoriz, when his friend hears about it he will say "woe is me, things that were between him and me, he went and told his wife." – Yishai Jun 25 '15 at 14:14
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The reason for not engaging in excessive conversation with a woman is explicitly stated in that mishnah, it brings to Bittul Torah (neglecting Torah study) therefore whether it is done through texting, phone call, etc., as long as it takes precious time which could have been dedicated to Torah study it is included in this Mishnah's horaah (teaching).

The full text of this Mishnah in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Father's) reads: 5. Yossei the son of Yochanan of Jerusalem would say: Let your home be wide open, and let the poor be members of your household. And do not engage in excessive conversation with a woman. This is said even regarding one's own wife—how much more so regarding the wife of another. Hence, the sages said: One who excessively converses with a woman causes evil to himself, neglects the study of Torah, and, in the end, inherits purgatory.

Yehoshua Levy
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  • Welcome to Mi Yodeya! Please take a moment to look at our [tour] so you can get a feel for how this site works, as it might be different from some you’re used to. Could you possibly [edit] your post to flesh out how this directly answers the question at hand, if texting is included in this ban? – DonielF Jun 30 '19 at 11:44
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  • The text of the Mishna doesn't seem to support the claim that bittul Torah is the reason for the advice. It looks like one of three potential consequences of men's excessive chatter with women. In addition, if the chief concern is the simple displacement of Torah study time by chatter time, not only the medium of chatter shouldn't matter, but also the gender of the interlocutor. Rather, it seems that the Sages' chief concern is likely something more inherent to chatter between a man and a woman, in particular, one potential consequence of which is neglect of Torah study. – Isaac Moses May 13 '22 at 15:57