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Another question deals with why people go to Uman (here).

Although, the relevance of Uman on Rosh HaShana is directly relevant to Breslov Hassidim, the practice of going to Uman has extended somewhat to people outside of this sect. I want to know if anyone discusses the halacha regarding shalom bayit and/or the obligation to be with your family versus a man going alone to Uman.

In practice, whole families are not going to Uman. In most cases, the man will leave his wife and children to make the pilgrimage alone. To me, this seems unthinkable on such an important day. Which is why I am interested in whether someone has written about this.

Part of me thinks that if the wife accepts it, then that's their choice: fine. But part of me thinks whether it is ok if tens (hundreds?) of thousands of families won't have the father figure there with them on an important day, which is a big loss. I am not a Breslov, or a person in this situation, so I don't know the family dynamics and potential pressures of ensuring that the husband goes to Uman.

Noach MiFrankfurt
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bondonk
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  • In the past it was common for chassidim to go to their rebbes for chagim, esp. the High Holidays, usually leaving behind their families. It's likely the Uman minhag branched out from that. Daf Yomi is said to have started thanks to that: Rabbi Meir Shapira had spread the word for the idea, but it wasn't picked up until the Gerer Rebbi announced to his visiting chassidim on R"H that he's not accepting anymore private audiences until he finishes the first daf. When the chassidim heard this, they all followed suit and the concept caught on (and now DY is celebrating its 100th year). – Harel13 Sep 14 '23 at 15:20
  • In the times of the Beis Hamikdash many men had to do aliyah leregel without their wives. When Mashiach comes, more women will be able to go than used to because of birth control, but not everyone. – Heshy Sep 14 '23 at 15:32
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    @Heshy the women went to yerushalayim just not har habayis – robev Sep 14 '23 at 17:21
  • https://youtu.be/CD6hn_NmJC4 – shmosel Sep 14 '23 at 23:26
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    A man leaving his wife and children to go on a business trip. To go to davening on You Kippur all day. To go early in the morning for a few hours to daven and learn when the wife needs help. Where is the line? – Rabbi Kaii Sep 15 '23 at 11:31
  • Shalom bayis is going to depend on the dynamics of the individual family – Dude Sep 15 '23 at 14:43

1 Answers1

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You are 100% correct, @bondonk.

The Chayei Adam has a long discussion of a man who lives in a city with no shofar: should he travel to another city to fulfill the Biblical obligation of Shofar and leave his family behind. His conclusion is that there is also a Biblical obligation for a man to be with his wife on Holidays, so ultimately he would gain nothing by hearing Shofar and leaving his wife, so he should stay home.

נ"ל דא"צ לעקור מביתו לילך לעיר אחרת לקיים המצוה אפילו מצוה דאורייתא והוא עוברות כתקיעת שופר ולולב וראיה מהא דר"ה דף ל"ד וש"ע סימן תקצ"ה. היו לפניו ב' עיירות באחת תוקעין ובאחת מברכין כו' ואי ס"ד שצריך לעקור ממקומו קשה היאך ימצא עיר שמברכין ולא תוקעין והלא צריכין לעקור ממקומן לילך לעיר שתוקעין אע"כ דא"צ לעקור ומיהו נ"ל דבמקום דאזיל ואתי ביומיה מחוייב לילך וכדאיתא בסוכה כ"ו ע"ב ועיין ריש סימן קס"ג במ"א וצ"ע ומ"מ במי שיש לו אשה או בנים נ"ל דודאי א"צ לעקור דירתו שהרי שמחה הוא ג"כ מ"ט מה"ת וקיי"ל אשה בעלה משמחה.

I have heard Rabbanim apply this to say that according to the Chayei Adam one should definitely not leave his family to go to Uman. After all, would anyone in their right mind go to Uman if that would mean missing out on Shofar? And even Shofar is not enough of a reason to leave one's wife or children on Rosh Hashanah.

Rav Ovadya Yosef is also widely quoted as saying not to go. He says no Jew with "da'at" (intelligence) would go, because a man belongs with his family on Rosh Hashana. Here is a video of him saying so.

robev
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N.T.
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  • I'm with you on Uman but curious about how that Chayei Adam applies to aliyah leregel. Does he say a man is patur if his family can't travel? – Heshy Sep 14 '23 at 16:55
  • He ends off with a צ"ע if שמחה is mivatel a mizva dioraita. – Shababnik Sep 14 '23 at 20:14
  • @Shababnik It's definitely mevatel going to Ukraine. – N.T. Sep 15 '23 at 02:27
  • @N.T. I'm in agreement with that. My question is on the application of this by rabbanim – Shababnik Sep 15 '23 at 02:54
  • @Heshy, there is a huge difference. עליה לרגל is a מצות עשה מן התורה. By last count, going to Uman (or to one's Rebbe, as many chasidim still do) is, according to the best of my knowledge, not. Besides that, as it was a מצוה for the whole household to come to ירושלים for יום טוב, there would only be very few cases of the wifes and children not coming with (unless, of course, in case of illness) – Imanonov Sep 19 '23 at 19:23
  • Oh absolutely Uman is different, but shofar or lulav is also a מצות עשה מן התורה – Heshy Sep 19 '23 at 19:28