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I have been married for 7 years, and I work on my own, while my wife takes care of our child.

Every time I get my salary, I always give 100% of it to my wife. When I get a freelance project, I also always give the earnings to my wife. However, I have debts that may exceed my salary, and my wife tells me that I am stingy and irresponsible as a husband.

When I really have nothing, I ask my mother for money and give it to her. Almost every day, I ask my mother for household expenses. If my mother can't provide, I am seen as unable to make an effort. Am I really not providing financially in a case like this?

UmH
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  • if your debt exceed your salary so in fact you give her nothing. please clarify do you give her food, cloths and home as a minimum or not. – Battle of Karbala Jan 29 '24 at 06:25
  • I have debt because of fulfilling her needs beyond basic necessities, such as when she gathers with her friends. I provide housing even though I am currently renting a house. I also always provide food for her and my children, but sometimes when she wants things like the latest gadgets or luxury bags, I can't afford to buy them, and I am seen as not trying. –  Jan 30 '24 at 07:05
  • Sorry to ask this question. Have you ever considered bringing up the subject with your wife and letting her know that you are in debt due to her excessive consumption? I mean as a husband you should be responsible for your family. This does not mean that you should spend more than you have: it seems to me that at least one of you is not able to manage the income properly. And this will cause problems over time. As a married couple, you should be able to speak plainly about a situation. And you should avoid involving others as much as possible, even if they are your own parents. – Medi1Saif Feb 29 '24 at 16:30

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A dispute like this can not be ruled on without knowing more details about the situation and without hearing what both parties have to say about their side of the story.

Obligatory spending on financial maintenance of wives and children is to be moderate - judged so in accordance to the customs and the status of the husband and the wife.

لينفق ذو سعة من سعته ومن قدر عليه رزقه فلينفق مما آتاه الله لا يكلف الله نفسا إلا ما آتاها سيجعل الله بعد عسر يسرا

Let the man of wealth provide according to his means. As for the one with limited resources, let him provide according to whatever Allah has given him. Allah does not require of any soul beyond what He has given it. After hardship, Allah will bring about ease.

— Quran 65:7

وعلى المولود له رزقهن وكسوتهن بالمعروف لا تكلف نفس إلا وسعها

Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity.

— Quran 2:233

أسكنوهن من حيث سكنتم من وجدكم

Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means

— Quran 65:6

خذي ما يكفيك وولدك بالمعروف

Take what is sufficient for you and your children, and the amount should be just and reasonable.

— Bukhari

أن تطعمها إذا طعمت وتكسوها إذا اكتسيت

Give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself

— Abu Dawud

Luxury goods or gadgets which she does not need are not obligatory. Rather what is obligatory are essentials like food (2-3 meals a day of suitable quality), clothing (a complete set once or twice a year), accommodation (a private room with facilities like bedroom, kitchen and bathroom), items of everyday use and servants (depending on status and customs). And if there is a dispute then what the judge fixes as her maintenance.

Anything beyond the reasonable necessities is good but not obligatory. You should show favor to your wife and give her gifts but you do not have to indebt or inconvenience yourself or your mother for that.

Ref: https://islamqa.info/en/answers/103422/ and https://islamqa.info/en/answers/242838/

UmH
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