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My mother is a quite famous researcher (she has a PhD) on the field I want to do a PhD in. She works on the industry (not academia). I helped her on successful projects. She knows more about my work than my professors since we have worked much longer together.

Is it a good idea to ask for a recommendation letter from her? Since our personalities are very similar she can point out the high probability that I will be successful like her?

Davidmh
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SuperHeroY
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  • You should write about the work you have done in your personal statement. But you need to emphasise your skills, not argue on the basis of what your mother has done. – Jessica B Sep 02 '17 at 06:13
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    If you helped her on successful projects, than you have certainly met and worked alongside her colleagues. They would be perfect for a recommendation letter. – famargar Sep 02 '17 at 07:43
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    "Since our personalities are very similar she can point out the high probability that I will be successful like her?". This is completely wrong. Life isn't deterministic. – Eric Duminil Sep 02 '17 at 09:52
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    There are several similar questions on this site which can be found by a simple search. Such as this one or more generally, this one – polfosol Sep 02 '17 at 12:20
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    @EricDuminil How is pointing out that life isn't deterministic supposed be a rejoinder to a probability statement? Probability is based on the fact that life isn't deterministic. – John Coleman Sep 02 '17 at 13:07
  • @JohnColeman: Okay. What I meant to say is that it's impossible to know where her success came from. It might have been intelligence, perseverance, connections or simple luck. – Eric Duminil Sep 02 '17 at 13:23
  • @JohnColeman In fact most measures of "intelligence" etc show reversion to the mean, not the inheritance of very high (or low) individual performance. In any case, why do you assume (with no proof) that you inherited your own characteristics from your mother, and not your father? "Helping one of your parents" seems a very long way away from "independent research" IMO. – alephzero Sep 02 '17 at 14:57
  • @alephzero "why do you assume ..." I assume nothing. I was just somewhat pedantically pointing out that the nondeterministic nature of life doesn't undercut probabilistic statements since the latter presupposes the former. Regression to the mean is quite relevant and makes it likely that OP would be less successful than their mother, which is consistent with the fact that being the child of that mother suggests a high probability of better than average success. Children of professional athletes tend to be more athletic than most, though few are themselves good enough for the pros. – John Coleman Sep 02 '17 at 15:05
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    "My mother is a quite famous researcher (she has a PhD)" It would be extremely unusual for a famous researchers not to have a PhD. – David Richerby Sep 02 '17 at 19:49
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    Even asking her would put her in an extremely difficult ethical position. It's tantamount to emotional blackmail as well. This is not a good start for someone who should be trying to make a name for themselves. – StephenG - Help Ukraine Sep 02 '17 at 21:38
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    As a "famous researcher" with a PhD, your mother presumably has a good idea of how things work in academia, and what is ethical/recommended. What does she say about the option of writing you a rec letter? – Clement C. Sep 02 '17 at 21:54
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    The answer to this depends on how many other people you intend to ask for letters. If you can show half a dozen letters of recommendation from highly respected academics in your field, then it would not be appropriate to omit the one who knows you best. But if you are going to show somebody a single letter, and it happens to be from your mother, the impression will be that the only person who you can get to recommend you is your mother - and that's certainly a negative recommendation, not a positive one. – Dawood ibn Kareem Sep 03 '17 at 03:59
  • Probabilities and statistic nitpicking aside: Genetics and inheritance only give potential and/or possibility. Personal history (Vita), intrinsic and extrinsic, is what forms you. E.g., there has been a certain potential of me becoming a stone sculptor (my father was a stone sculptor at the german degree of "Master Craftsman"). Yet, a small piece of used electronic device containing a 386 CPU, which was actually a present to my sister (but which she then did not use), hooked me into a career at the screen, progamming all kinds of stuff. Looking back, a really unprobable & unforeseeable event. – phresnel Sep 03 '17 at 06:08
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    @DavidRicherby: "It would be extremely unusual for a famous researchers not to have a PhD": Now I am nitpicking. But a PhD is not the only doctor-graded degree in worldwide context (the question also seems unspecific regarding country). But your statement generalized, I agree, it's not the norm; yet, an autodidact and self-learner myself, I have an urge to point this out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_autodidacts – phresnel Sep 03 '17 at 06:15
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    @phresnel You're just making my point for me: being a famous researcher without a doctorate is so unusual that they made a Wikipedia page about it. Also, a large fraction of the people in the scientists section are from the days before doctorates became near-universal among academics and when a lot of research was done by enthusiastic amateurs. – David Richerby Sep 03 '17 at 09:59
  • Yes you should. – Mars Sep 03 '17 at 19:11
  • @DavidRicherby: Yes, of course. I phrased it a bit dumb and that page was not to counter your argument, but (as you already say) to add to it and to provide anecdote and heads-ups to us autodidact multipotent rebels. As another anecdote: I just learned that a doctor's degree is not a requirement to become physician (according to Zeit, about 20% of doctors in Germany are not doctors) :) – phresnel Sep 04 '17 at 08:38
  • @phresnel OK, no worries. – David Richerby Sep 04 '17 at 08:44
  • No it is not a good idea. If she is well known and well connected there are much smoother ways you could do that. – mathreadler Sep 05 '17 at 09:01
  • It's perfectly OK for your mother to support your application, but (a) you must disclose the relationship, and (b) you need a recommendation from someone independent in addition. – Michael Kay Sep 05 '17 at 15:47
  • Even in a situation like William Henry Bragg (father) and Lawrence Bragg (son), eventually sharing a Nobel prize (Sir Lawrence just 25 years old), or the elder Pierre Curie and Marie Curie followed by Frédéric Joliot-Curie and Irène Joliot-Curie (all four at least one Nobel prize), they likely did not started to argument of "... but I'm a relative of ..." but were able to find references outside familiy. Professor Sauer unlikely applies for research grants in line of "... on recommendation by my spouse, Chancellor Merkel", either. – Buttonwood Mar 10 '19 at 21:54

5 Answers5

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I would say no, this is a very very bad idea. Your mother going on about how likely you are to succeed will probably not carry much weight. What else would your mother say? If you were unlikely to be successful, would she say that? (even if she would, the perception of the people reading the letter will be that she would not)

xxxxxxxxx
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  • Why do they even know that it is his mother? Is Phd. Anna Barley the mother of Bob Barley? – Mayou36 Sep 02 '17 at 17:54
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    @Mayou36 I think it would be very unethical to write a recommendation for a close relative without disclosing the relationship. – Patricia Shanahan Sep 02 '17 at 18:28
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    @Mayou36 Moreover, academia is a small world, and should they find out the relationship by chance, the applicant can say goodbye to the position, and their mother to a piece of her reputation. – Massimo Ortolano Sep 02 '17 at 23:48
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    This answer presumes that a recommendation letter is meant to say that the candidate is "likely to succeed". While the point of a recommendation letter is to help gauge the potential success of the candidate, the letter itself should state facts about the candidate's work. For example "I know that this person is smart because they solved hard problem XYZ", or "I know that this person works well on a timeline because they completed projects A and B simultaneously on a six month deadline". – DanielSank Sep 03 '17 at 08:04
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    Or, in trying to be fair and honest, over-compensate and undervalue her child's contributions. – Patricia Shanahan Sep 03 '17 at 17:06
  • @PatriciaShanahan, sure, but it could be a small sidenote. It is not the important part. I agree on the general findings that "likely to succeed" or "having similar personalities" (as stated by the OP) is of course nothing you want to write in a recommendation letter. I presumed the letter contains, as AFAIK a good recommendation letter should, only some facts about the person and why (or because of which abilities or performances) the author would recommend the student. – Mayou36 Sep 03 '17 at 17:12
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    Well, on the other hand, if the recommendation is bad, then it will be taken seriously. It's a one-way ratchet. – Captain Emacs Sep 04 '17 at 19:48
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Your mother is not a suitable person to write a letter of recommendation. Even people who know her professionally may not know whether she can write a really objective letter about you. One of your mother's collaborators might be a good letter writer, if they both know your work and are sufficiently independent of your mother to not have any conflict of interest.

Failing that, you can still discuss the projects you worked on with her, and perhaps indicate that you do not have a letter of reference for them because of the conflict of interest.

Although your professors have not worked with you as long, readers will put more trust in their objectivity. They have presumably worked with you as much as they have with other students at a similar stage for whom they are writing letters. They are better placed to know how you compare to your peers.

Patricia Shanahan
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Not only would a letter from mother be discounted, it could have a negative effect.

It would simply beg the question "Why can this person not find someone independent to write a reference?"

Keith
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No, don't ask for a letter of recommendation from your mother. I doubt she'd write one for you, anyway.

Letters of recommendation from close relatives are not accepted, because they can't be trusted to be objective. It's quite common for application forms to explicitly say that referees cannot be close relatives.

David Richerby
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TL;DR: Nobody in their right mind would accept your application, as it could ensue considerable damage to them.

I want to add the perspective of the decision maker to what’s already been said. In all of this I assume that there is no explicit rule against recommendations by close relatives – because otherwise the situation is very clear anyway. Also, I assume that this happens in a country where nepotism and cronyism are frowned upon and not common.

If I had to make a hiring or admission decision and the application contained a recommendation from the applicant’s mother, I would probably reject it immediately (even if I did not read a single word of the recommendation). If it were my job to formally process applications before they get to those who actually make the decisions, I would ensure that they never even see that letter. Also, if the recommendation was authored by somebody with a name and biography making it likely that they are related to the applicant, I would check.

The reason for this is as follows: If somebody finds out that I made a positive decision based on an application containing a recommendation letter by an obvious relative, I can be accused of making a bad decision, ignoring a blatant conflict of interest. It doesn’t matter whether I carefully took the conflict of interest into account; it doesn’t even matter if I actually read the recommendation – because in such a situation the burden of proof is primarily on me. Possible repercussions include lawsuits, the end of my career, and similar. The only way to avoid this problem is to reject your application (and the fact that you used a recommendation by a close relative will give me sufficient argument for this).

And just to be sure: Hiding this conflict of interest is not a good idea either, because it shifts the blame for this almost entirely to you (not that you would be in a good situation if you had disclosed and were hired).

Wrzlprmft
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