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My wife plans to graduate in a few months. I have 1-2 years left before I defend and graduate. I'd like to move away with my wife so we can stay together.

My work is entirely on a computer, so working remotely is entirely feasible. I have my own funding, so I do not need to stay in order to TA for pay.

I typically meet once every 1-2 weeks with my primary advisor and "secondary advisor" (a research scientist who also mentors me and who frequently works more closely with me than my advisor). When I first began working with my primary advisor, I mentioned that I may need to work remotely for my final year. He said he didn't like the idea in general, but that he understands that life happens, and that we'd figure it out when the time came.

The time has come, though I wouldn't move away for another two months.

How should I breach the topic with my advisor(s)?

This question is extremely relevant, but differs in that it asks this question for "extensive periods", whereas I'm asking about working remotely permanently. Several answers for that question involve staying away for progressively longer periods of time, but I'd prefer to not pay two rents.

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jvriesem
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    I'm not sure what kind of answer you are looking for other than to ask him directly at your next meeting. – Austin Henley Mar 15 '17 at 17:46
  • This reminds me of a comment I saw on Workplace.SE where a remote worker who was supposed to come in every once and while wasn't coming in so they called him and asked him when he was coming back, and he said "Never, I live in Idaho now." (The office was in DC.) Dunno how it turned out for him, but you could always trying moving cities, then telling your advisor. – Azor Ahai -him- Mar 15 '17 at 18:34
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    @Azor-Ahai: funny anecdote, but I don't think that is a good idea at all. :-) How would it improve advisor-advisee relations? I want to continue building his trust and respect, not tear it down. I need him to graduate, and I expect him to be my primary job reference when I enter the job market. – jvriesem Mar 15 '17 at 18:37
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    Oh it's not a good idea! That's why it's a comment. – Azor Ahai -him- Mar 15 '17 at 18:38
  • @AustinHenley: Quite unfortunately, it needs to be via email. My wife was offered a position and has one week to respond. Meanwhile, my advisor is gone for almost the whole week. What I'm looking for is how to prepare for this conversation: developing a plan and presenting it in a way that would give my advisor(s) little reason to not agree. – jvriesem Mar 15 '17 at 18:46
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    @jvriesem It is a little concerning that you put yourself into this situation (your wife looking for a job, presumably interviewing, and getting an offer all before you had this conversation with your advisor). At this point it sounds like you are in the situation to inform your advisor that you are moving (not ask permission). I'd suggest emailing and asking to have an urgent phone call. – Austin Henley Mar 15 '17 at 18:54
  • @AustinHenley Why? Should the advisor demand that the OPs wife declines a job offer? A third party made a decison, and that's that. – Karl Mar 15 '17 at 20:28
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    @Karl I think you are misinterpreting something in my comment. I said it is too late to ask for permission since the OP has already gone down this rabbit hole and it is instead time to inform his advisor. However, the "third party" is of no interest to the advisor (he works with students, not a student's spouse) and he can reasonably tell the OP that he is not willing to work with a student remotely. It would be no different in any other employment situation. You can't force your employer to be willing to let you move while retaining employment. – Austin Henley Mar 15 '17 at 20:30
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    @AustinHenley The prof can still say yes or no in a week. And he practically has already said he'd be OK with it. I guess he feels that you cannot expect that s.o. makes job decisions depending on his or her's spouse's prof's feelings. – Karl Mar 15 '17 at 20:50
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    (Large companies, the size of universities, have policies on working remotely. If it's reasonable, you usually can. Of course, reasonable by the companies standards, not your own. ;-) ) – Karl Mar 15 '17 at 20:55
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    @Karl His spouse can certainly make job decisions. This one potentially ends his however. I would never force my employer into this situation unless I was 100% prepared to quit (especially on such short notice!!!). I would have definitely discussed this with my advisor before my wife went on the job market. Communication works wonders. – Austin Henley Mar 15 '17 at 20:57
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    @Karl In regards to "usually can" work remotely, do you have a reference for that? I know several large tech companies that explicitly forbid it. Some companies allow it. Some don't. Some managers allow it. Some don't. Again, I would have figured out this policy long before my wife starts looking for a job. – Austin Henley Mar 15 '17 at 21:03
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    @ all: As mentioned in my question, I have already discussed the possibility with my advisor (~3 yrs earlier). He said we'd talk about it again when the time neared—which is now. I should have reminded him about this possibility 2-4 months ago when my wife was looking for jobs. I'd like to stay with my wife, but I am open to staying local for a semester (maybe two) if need be. For this reason, I don't think it's appropriate or genuine to inform my advisor that I'm moving. As Karl and AustinHenley have discussed, I think I do need to ask permission...in some sense. – jvriesem Mar 16 '17 at 04:18
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    Be prepared to live with a compromise. As other people have already mentioned, your best idea would have to bring this up before it is a fact, to figure out the best compromise for both parties. Now it is up to you to give in to non-optimal solutions. That means you might have to come back very regularly and also even for extended times (not just a day, more like a week) or even stay for some more months until your work is in a state that can be finished remotely. This is not that much about what you prefer any more. Your wife and your advisor might also prefer things and not get them. – skymningen Mar 16 '17 at 08:18

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Bring this up directly and immediately.

You mentioned in the comments that your advisor is out of town for a week but your wife must respond to the offer in a week. This doesn't leave you much choice, so email him immediately and ask to have an urgent phone call.

Tell him openly about the situation and get his feedback. It is up to you whether to frame it as asking for permission or informing him of your decision.

However, you have to be prepared that he will not be willing to work with you remotely. You are putting your advisor in a potentially difficult position without much time to discuss it and basically giving him an ultimatum. I would have had an involved discussion about this before my spouse went on the job market (informing him that your spouse will be looking for a job and that you will be moving away if she gets an offer).

Austin Henley
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