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I started my PhD thesis (in artificial intelligence and ecology) about a month ago, because it seemed like the perfect choice to continue from my master's degree. The problem is, since the beginning of the PhD, I started to become more and more anxious and have insomnia and depression-like symptoms (I will soon see a therapist for this reason). Now, I think of quitting PhD because it seems obvious to me that this new place does not fit me at all, and I cannot find enthusiasm for the work I have to do.

I feel very lost because my goal was always to become a scientist after finishing these last three years, but now I am pretty sure that this does not fit me. For the moment, my plans are to stick with the thesis for a few months to see if the situation gets better, but I don't have lots of hope.

So, I have a master's degree, I do something that makes me feel depressed, and I have no idea what career choices I should do. I have been thinking of starting something completely new, which is scary but seems to be the only way...

Would you have any advice? Have you ever been in that type of situation?

Edit: thank you for you answers. I just want to clarify that I am not afraid or worried about not knowing/learning/understanding the subject. The work I have to do is clear to me. But I have the growing sensation of being trapped in it for the upcoming 3 years. I feel like this is not for me.

Droidux
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    take it easy. A PhD is not a sprint, it is a marathon. And writing the thesis is another marathon. You cannot be quick. You cannot do or understand anything in 1 month. Sleep well, eat well, exercise regulary, take it easy, do not expect anything good ro new or interesting before at least one year into your phd ... – EarlGrey Oct 31 '23 at 15:09
  • How much knowledge gain you should "feel" during your PhD: https://www.openculture.com/2017/06/the-illustrated-guide-to-a-phd-12-simple-pictures-that-will-put-the-daunting-degree-into-perspective.html Basically nothing. And that nothing will costs an enduring effort that cannot be sped up. – EarlGrey Oct 31 '23 at 15:13

9 Answers9

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My advice is to start with the therapist as soon as possible and discuss all these issues and your options with them.

Raise the issue of Imposter Syndrome with them if they don't.

Raise the issue of burn out with them if they don't.

Raise the issue of Extreme Introversion with them, if you think you might suffer from it and explore how to compensate for this. But even exploring it with a counsellor can be hard if you have this issue.

I suggest that you don't make any life changing decisions before you spend some time with a qualified counsellor. One that is familiar with the pressures of academia would be best, perhaps, but that isn't my field.

Personal note. I never had Imposter issues, but I definitely had issues with the other two things mentioned and both set me back. A counsellor helped me through the last, though it also took years of practice.

Buffy
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    I agree that the OP should take some time to clear up his headspace before making such a decision. But I am bothered by the quickness with which the suggestion of "imposter syndrome" is usually made on such posts. There are likely significant downsides to collectively erring on the side of faith when competence is statistically rare and entrance standards have been gradually eroded over the last few decades. We can no longer be as reliant on the ability of admissions processes to filter out those who would become imposters. – user2647513 Nov 01 '23 at 03:30
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    Thank you for that answer. I don't feel like imposter syndrom is an issue for me (maybe it is but I don't see it). However, I truly recognize myself in the issue of extreme introversion. I didn't know this existed, so thank you very much for telling me about that. – Droidux Nov 02 '23 at 08:42
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You definitely should not make major changes to your life plans if you are feeling unusual emotions, relative to your past experience. Talk to a mental health professional.

Ignoring your personal situation, my advice to anyone starting a PhD is: Do not get a PhD unless you are sure you want to get a PhD. Try not to consider

  • Other people's opinions, including social status
  • Other people's needs
  • Your emotions

Do try to consider

  • Short term benefits of a PhD
  • Long term benefits of a PhD
  • Opportunity cost (It's massive!)
  • Some jobs will not hire you if you have a PhD
Anonymous Physicist
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    Agreed. The poster needs to be able to clearly distinguish between 1) my dissatisfaction with this PhD path is making me depressed and 2) I am depressed and therefore am feeling dissatisfied with this thing I had previously dreamed of doing. Unfortunately that is difficult when in the midst of it without some outside help. – Dawn Nov 01 '23 at 17:48
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    Yes, distinguishing between the two is not easy at the moment. I think there is a bit of both. – Droidux Nov 01 '23 at 18:51
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Take it easy.

A PhD is not a sprint, it is a marathon.

And writing the thesis is another marathon. You cannot be quick. You cannot do or understand anything in one month. Or in 3.

Sleep well, eat well, exercise regulary, take it easy, do not expect anything good or new or interesting before at least one year into your phd.

EarlGrey
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Sorry my answer is not mine. I usually relate this answer to every aspect of my life, work, career, relationships.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke

venkat abhignan
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First, be aware that the beginning of new things––jobs, education, moving to a new town or house––often feels strange, uncomfortable, and sometimes wrong. If the thing (in this case your PhD program) is fundamentally right for you, over time you will find ways to make it work for you. But if it’s fundamentally wrong, you won’t adapt. So how can you know whether your program is right or wrong for you on a deep level? It sounds like you need some time off to think this through. Is this possible for you to do?

If I were in your place, I would give a lot of thought to basic and important questions about your values, your mission in life, your goals, the lifestyle you want, where you want to live, who you want to associate with, etc. Examine your interests and skills. I would write all that down, study it, and ask what career choices would allow you to manifest and use those internal drivers. A life coach could help you with this phase.

Next it’s time to think concretely about your current dilemma. I use two steps to solve problems like this. First, I think about the problem very analytically. I make charts with different solutions, the advantages and disadvantages of each one, ways to overcome obstacles associated with each solution, etc. I use a numerical rating system to compare the desirability of each course of action and the importance of advantages and disadvantages of each choice. The next step to is to test your chosen course of action intuitively. Close your eyes and imagine doing each one. Does your energy rise or fall when you imagine each one? Does your intuitive feeling match your intellectual analysis?

In hindsight, it might have been better to take a year off after your master’s. At this point you have choices. You are free to take the time to step back and contemplate your situation. Personally, I prefer life coaching over therapy because life coaching directs your attention to fundamental life questions beyond immediate events and feelings.

Eggy
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I think a PhD is a long-run way. Try to love what you are doing. Take everything easy. And love your body! If you feel tired, take a rest. Then continue when you have recovered!

Sursula
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VnPower
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I feel very lost because my goal was always to become a scientist after finishing these last three years, but now I am pretty sure that this does not fit me.

First of all you have to take time and contemplate why you want to be a scientist and to understand what it means to be one. Do you want to be a Professor? a Researcher? Consider what would be your work environment in the future. A researcher doesn't do research, the people below him/her/they do the actual work. To arrive to the "Researcher" point you will have to bear a lot of mental health issues in order to survive the "marathon" the fellow academics here discuss.

If you think that you can land a job directly in industry (in artificial intelligence for example) then maybe that is a way better career for your future.

Read some references: The challenges and mental health issues of academic trainees Working in industry vs academia Ten Simple Rules for Choosing between Industry and Academia

K Y
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(1) First, like others have said: 1 month is nothing in the context of a PhD thesis and you should not make any harsh decisions after only one month. Try to give it your best for at least 3 months and then reconsider. How to give it your best?

  • talk to your advisor to really clarify the goals of the PhD
  • read lots of papers on your topic, maybe write a review, think about which important questions haven’t been answered yet, loop back to your advisor to refine them.
  • in parallel, talk to as many scientist colleagues as you can, ask them about their job, the pros and cons of the job, do they have any regrets and do these seem major to you, shadow them in their daily work to gain better understanding of what they actually do. The work of a researcher / scientist is very multifaceted.

In addition, following your edit:

I just want to clarify that I am not afraid or worried about not knowing/learning/understanding the subject. The work I have to do is clear to me. But I have the growing sensation of being trapped in it for the upcoming 3 years. I feel like this is not for me.

(2) You say “the work I have to do is clear for me”. That is actually very surprising for a 1-month-new PhD student. You should instead be very confused and overwhelmed (but also excited) at this stage. This might indicate that you haven’t fully grasped what doing a PhD entails, so see point 1.

(3) Still, let’s consider the situation where you do know exactly what the path forward is and you realized that you are not interested in the kind of work that research entails (reading and understanding papers, thinking of experiments or models, implementing those, discussing with colleagues, training students, teaching, writing papers, going to conferences etc). Let’s say you know exactly what awaits you in an academic’s life and you like nothing in it. Then you should definitely look for other options and decide if those seem more adapted to your personality, abilities and life goals. It is actually better to leave early, that way you will avoid the sunk cost fallacy of working for something that is failing for so long that you can’t ever stop working on it.

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I think you should pivot your work to something that excites you and makes you want to get up in the morning and work on the problem. Just cut me in just reframing your card work into something that's more meaningful to your circumstances, or it could mean combining it with a different field. How about ecology and computer science?

I also feel you should be more specific in your goals so that you can measure how close you are to achieving them.

Imran Q
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